"The old me is dead and gone, but the new me will be all right."

Ay, lemme kick it to you right quick man
Not on some gangsta shit man on some real shit
Anybody who been through the same thing
I'm sure you feel the same way

Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and

Ever had one of them days wish you would have stayed home
Run into a group of niggas who gettin' their hate on
You walk by, they get wrong, you reply then shit get blown
Way out of proportion way past discussion
Just you against them, pick one then rush them
Figure you get jumped here that's next
They don't wanna stop there now they bustin'

Now you gushin', ambulance rushin'
You to the hospital with a bad concussion
Plus you hit four times but it hit yo spine
Paralyzed waist down and ya wheelchair bound
Never mind that now you lucky to be alive
Just thinkin' it all started fussin' wit three guys
Nigga pride in the way but your pride is the way you can fuck
Around get shot down any day

Niggas die everyday, all little bullshit
Dope money, dice games, ordinary hood shit
Could this be cuz of hip-hop music
Or did the ones with the good sense not use it?
Usually niggas don't know what to do when they back against the wall
So they just start shootin'
For red or for blue or for blow I guess
From Bankhead at the old projects

No more stress, now I'm straight
Now I get it, now I take time to think
Before I make mistakes just for my family stake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say the old me dead and gone away

Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and

I ain't neva been scared, I live through tragic
Situations could been dead lookin' back at it
Most of that shit didn't even have to happen
But you don't think about it when you out there trappin'
In the apartments hangin', smokin' and rappin'
Niggas start shit next thing we know we cappin'
Get locked up then didn't even get mad
Now I think about that what a life I had

Most of that shit look back just laugh
Some shit still look back get sad
Thinkin' my home boy still be around
Had I not hit the nigga in the mouth that time
I won that fight I lost that war
I could still see my nigga walkin' out that door
Who would of thought I'd never see Philant no more
Got enough dead homies I don't want no more

Cuz a nigga his jump cost me more
I'd a took that ass whoopin' out for sure
Now think before I risk my life
Take them chances to get my stripes
A nigga put his hands on me alright
Otherwise stand there talk shit all night
Cuz I hit you and you sue me
I shoot you get locked up poor me

No more stress now I'm straight
Now I get it now I take time to think
Before I make mistake just for my family stake
That part of me left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say the old me dead and gone away

Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone

I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright
I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright, 'cause

Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone
And oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone, dead and gone

I AM NO LONGER WRITING HERE... BOUNCE ON OVER TO THEREALMICKEYC.TUMBLR.COM!

It's been real.
It's been fun.

Love,
Michaela

Home... Home (on the range)...

I'm baaaaaack. Back home, that is.

I got back Monday, started work Wednesday, and am here on a cold Thursday night waiting for The Big Bang Theory to come on at 7 and my chili to be done cooking on the stove! What a great life.

Halloween was amazing, being back in Des Moines! I dressed up as a ballerina the first night and a bunny/cat the second night. Thursday night we went to Westend, the old college bar we used to go to, and had a few drinks and flirted with the really cute (young) bartender. It was great to see old friends and see the town I spent four years of my life!

Some exciting things to come in my life...

Love,

Michaela

“If I had my life to live over again, I’d try to make more mistakes next time.

I would relax, I would limber up, I would be sillier than I have been this trip.

I know of very few things I would take seriously.

I would take more trips. I would be crazier.

I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers, and watch more sunsets.

I would do more walking and looking.

I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would have more actual troubles, and fewer imaginary ones.”

-written by a Friar in a Nebraska monastery

Everything I ever wished I could've said. "This is my plea... won't you listen?"

"please stop saying things you don't mean
don't expect me to agree
you don't need to drive the point home
so don't baby don't
you don't have to lie to me again
you don't have to try and be my friend
you don't have to tell me that you're better off alone" -Umbrella, Degrassi

"Well maybe it’s me
And my blind optimism to blame
Or maybe it’s you and your sick need
To give love and take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back in regret how I ignored when they said

'Run as fast as you can’" -Dear John, Taylor Swift

"Listen when I say, this can't be
Hear my words, set me free."

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Des Moines, IA. The city I ran from... all the way to Australia. Here I am again, and I forget how pretty it is. The crisp, cold air (whips through straight to the bone). The color of the trees. The skyline. I still love you Des Moines, even though you broke me down.

Things have changed, and I have driven past some of the spots that used to hold such ugly memories from me, and I couldn't think one bad thought. I actually could appreciate them again. The happiness that I thought was perhaps only based on where I was physically; but, alas, it is truly mental. I'm happy... even right next to a campus that, for so long, I thought offered me nothing except heartbreak. I see Drake for what it was... a challenge that I had to overcome. It offered me some amazing friends and amazing lessons. I can look back now and see the fun I had... the crazy moments and the times I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. The late nights and random moments. The close friends and the passerby... every little moment that was so good is still there in my mind, just for so long I couldn't see them because I focused on all the bad. And, the bad was such a tiny moment of my whole Drake career. I can see now that Drake was amazing.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

As I was driving around today I heard this song a few times... September by Daughtry. Beautiful.

How the time passed away? All the trouble that we gave
And all those days we spent out by the lake
Has it all gone to waste? All the promises we made
One by one they vanish just the same

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

Now it all seems so clear, there's nothing left to fear
So we made our way by finding what was real
Now the days are so long that summer's moving on
We reach for something that's already gone

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
We would end up here the way we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly by
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

***

Remember, the bad in your life does not define you... it is how you handle it that makes you who you are. I'm still learning to this day... learning and growing. I still have issues in my life, whether it be personally or external... but, I like to think that I'm learning how to take things in stride, listen to other people before making judgements, and remember to always forgive.

Love,

Michaela

Nu Yawk Citay.

Love this city.

Spent a few days with Rhino (aka Brooke) and now am showing this city to Arron and Vlad.

I will live here some day.

"Life is short, so be young and stupid."

I love fall. It has always been my favorite season.

The colors in the trees and the crunchy leaves on the ground. I like when the air starts to get a little cold and crisp, but the sky is still clear, and sunny.

So, on that subject... an American tradition is high school senior pictures, which I had done in fall. It's been 6 years since I had these taken.

That's six years of my life that hasn't happened yet in these photos. Do you ever do that when you look back at photos, try and see the innocence that was in your eyes? The naivety?

These photos are meant to be a send off from high school and a hello to college. In high school I was a shy girl who just hoped to get out from her hometown; she hoped there was a bigger world. Since this photo was taken I've moved to Iowa, Tennessee and Australia... I've dated and made friends, had broken hearts and lost friends. I've felt like I didn't belong and felt on top of the world. I've cried hard and I've laughed harder.

Six years of life have happened. Do you ever stop to take that in? Take in the weight of that?

Today, I walked home from work on a back pathway, admiring the beautiful orange, brown, golden trees... jumping on all the leaves on the ground, marveling at their crunch. I finished one week of work, being a master office receptionist.

Now, I get to spend the weekend hanging out then going to New York on Tuesday to see Panda and Rhino (aka Arron and Brooke).

Get out and enjoy the weather before it turns brutal!

Love,

Michaela

"I remember the day a kind, simple hello changed my life forever."

500 Days Of Summer

Amazing movie. Amazing story. So relate-able.

Tom runs into Summer, now that she is married, and wants to know how she could never commit to being his boyfriend but is now someone's wife...

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.

"When someone sees the same people everyday, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

The Alchemist

Well, here goes nothing.

Why hello there, didn't expect to see you again so soon. Yea, I didn't intend to write for awhile because I didn't think I had anything interesting to say. But, I have a rant that I need to get out.

I am embarrassed to be an American right now. Maybe this is because I've been so sheltered from everything that's been going on and I'm being thrown into the fire, so to speak... everything is bombarding me at once, but I don't think that's fully the case.

I have spent many years of my life defending my country. Sure, I'll make jokes at America's expense, but I do love my country. I am and will always be an American. But, I have never EVER hated my country as much as I do right now.

It's because of politics. Religion. Hatred. To me, they've all become one.

I read that there was a pastor in Florida that was planning a Quran burning because people were having issues with a Mosque being built by the World Trade Center. No, he didn't go through with it, but the fact that anyone would even suggest this OR support it, disgusts me. Who cares if a Mosque is in the vicinity of the World Trade Center? There are Mosques all over this nation. Islam is not the Taliban. Islam is a religion based on peace, the Taliban is a "right wing, conservative" version of this religion. Just like skin heads here in America.

I am absolutely furious that people think this is okay. I'm not a Christian, but I do not hate on those who are. I am not a religious person... never have been and probably never will be. But, if you want to believe in God and practice religion, ANY RELIGION, I say "more power to you." God is a powerful concept, and for some people, I believe a very important individual. Religion helps give people faith that this life is not all there is... that there is more to life and death. That heaven exists.

But, what I find so perplexing is, if all religious people are preaching and believing in almost the exact same thing (just through different ways and Gods), then why is there so much hate. What God would say hate is okay, especially to another religious person. I don't know a lot about religion, but I'm pretty sure it teaches something about tolerance. About love.

Oh wait, I think that means tolerance and love ONLY if you believe in exactly what I believe in. How dare we try and understand each other.

Also, burning the Quran accomplishes nothing except only spreading more anger and hate. Apparently he was quoted to say something about this proving that all Muslims are terrorists because they will be so mad they will retaliate. How ignorant and mean a statement. First off, HE is the one starting the fight, so who wouldn't retaliate? But, second, it does not prove they are terrorists. That's an outlandish and foolish statement. It's ignorant.

On a completely different tangent, I'm sick of watching the Democrats fight against the Republicans, and vice versa. I used to like politics. Got excited to vote for my first presidency. But, I'm starting to realize it's all pointless. I will most likely not be voting this November. I do not see one side/one candidate that I want to represent me. Every politician is only out for personal gain. They do not care that America is drowning under it's own weight... just as long as they make it, everything will be just fine.

I used to question the idea of socialized health care. That people would use it as a free ride. However, the older I get, I realize how ignorant of a thought that was. I didn't know that people actually get turned down from health insurance they will fully pay for because they are a health risk. Yea, that means if you are a sick individual and NEED health insurance, you have a lower chance of getting it. You are forced to wade through hundreds of thousands of medical bills. People die with so much debt and it's passed on to their families. "Sorry that your father died before his insurance could be processed, but here are his bills."

In other countries no one is denied healthcare. Sure, you may have to wait on a procedure if it's not an emergency, but if it is an emergency, you are bumped up and receive exceptional care. The same health care we receive here in America. Our politicians media have made us believe that Canadians/British/Australians are DYING in waiting rooms because of free health care. Sure, sometimes people do die in waiting rooms overseas.

But, guess what, they die in our waiting rooms everyday, too. And, those people were paying good money.

Personally, I'd rather die for free, then die having paid a copay and a $500 a month insurance premium. We both end up in the same ground.

I do believe everyone should work hard. No one should be given a free ride. But, giving free basic healthcare is not giving people a free ride. I believe it should be the Government's responsibility.

I believe the Government should provide good, quality FREE education as well. Man, am I a radical or what.

Look, people say all these "socialist" ideas will raise our taxes, and they're unwilling to pay. But, last time I looked at an American pay check, or looked at a receipt from the grocery store, I AM being taxed. A lot. And, honestly, I'm not seeing a whole lot come from it.

I am up to my eyeballs in student loans and do not have health insurance (since I am unemployed and not a student).

People from other countries go to school for free or really cheap and receive the same, if not better education. We go to school less days then the rest of the world, are in class less hours, and some how we pay so much more. How is that logical?

The thing that I'm getting at is, America is falling. We've been falling for awhile, and I believe it's going to be awhile before we are on top again. We are no longer the country that everyone looks to. We are not the strongest economically. Other countries are surpassing us. And, I believe it's only going to get worse.

It's not Obama's fault. It's not Bush's fault. It's EVERYONE'S fault. If only we could stop pointing fingers and actually come together to fix our nation... as Americans.

Michaela

"I like it when you see a person as a shell and you can't understand the million stories they have inside them."

I've been back in America for over a week now. This blog fell off towards the end of my travels, and I apologize for that, but I do have a few reasons for it... lack of Internet and lack of words. I did intend for this blog to end when I left Australia, but I left it so abrubtly and with no explaination of "the end" and my week in LA. So... here it goes.

I boared the V Australia flight from Sydney to LA at 8pm on Monday the 20th. Arron had accompanied me to the airport, as he had to fly back to Melbourne later that evening. I put off going through security/customs as long as I could, until it was actually time to board. I didn't want to say goodbye. I was sitting at the airport, next to Arron, when I wrote that last blog. I had read his blog post he'd written about me, and I was speechless when it came to responding. How do you say goodbye to a person you've grown so close to in 10 months time?

Sure, we'll probably see each other again, but when you meet friends abroad it's like the friendship has an expiration date. At a certain date in the near future you have to part ways, not exactly knowing when the next meet up point will be. That's a hard idea to grasp. Sure, there is facebook and MSN, but nothing ever compares to being able to call up your bestfriend and share a random story, send a ridiculous text, or just meet up for a random tuesday in the city.

We travelled Australia together, lived and worked together... shared the highest and lowest of times. Some of my favourite moments together include walking along Bondi or Coogee beaches and eating ice cream. or, just sitting on cliffs over looking the waves. We skydived together on my birthday, trying our best to grab life by the balls. I remember the moment he saved me when I came to Melbourne, broke and lost. He taught me how to ice skate and gave me a new appreciation for hockey. He calls me out on my crap, doesn't let me get away with much, and laughs at my jokes (well, most of them).

He's been everything from my best friend to my boyfriend. So, I hugged him as long as I could and tried not to cry. Proud to say I only got a little teary. FInally, I had to go. I turned around and walked towards customs. Towards home.

I arrived in Los Angeles about 13 hours later at 5pm on September 20th. It's weird, cause when you travel to Australia you lose one whole day of your life. I will never get November 1st, 2009, back. But, coming back, you only gain 3 hours. Seems unfair.

Anyways, I met my friend Lizzo, who if you remember is the girl I met in Sydney and lived with. She now lives in LA, trying to make it in the industry.

I've never had a good impression of LA, but I figured I'd give it a chance. Over the week I've seen Hollywood and the walk of stars, The Grove and famous Farmers Market, Torrance/Redondo beach, Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Venice Beach and boardwalk, and experienced record breaking 113 degree heat (45 celcius)!

I've gone through moment of hating America.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. -Sir Winston Churchill

I hate our money... it's impractical (make money that doesn't tear and can't be destroyed in the wash). I hate tipping... it's impractical (give higher wages to all employees/higher minimum wage). I hate having to add tax onto purchases (just include it in the price... write $8.30 as opposed to $7.99). I've had my moment of having to adjust back to there being so many Hispanics around. Don't take that the wrong way, I don't have anything against them, but I've gone a year without hearing any Spanish, then BAM! it's everywhere. In Australia, Asians are everywhere... in America, it's Mexicans.

Although, I will say, I only got honked/whistled at twice my entire time in Australia... I was in LA a week and I was already up in the double digits. Ahh... welcome home.

I flew back to Nashville on Tuesday and surprised my parents at home, since they didn't think I was coming home until the beginning of November.

It's weird being back. Being in the same place where my life was such a hell last year. I'm sitting in the same room where I had so many breakdowns exactly a year ago. One of the first things I did when I got back was reread some of the poems/songs/stories I had saved on a harddrive. They are both painful and liberating to read. It's painful to know I was in that place, not realizing that I was so close to escaping it... but, it's liberating because I can sit here now and know what happy feels like.

I'm so glad to see you smiling So good to hear your laugh I think that you've found you even Missed yourself I'm only asking this because I think that Truth be told Oh, you'll never go again

I was worried before I came back that I could fall back into my old life. That nothing would have changed. And, I was right to a certain extent... not much has changed. Life is pretty much the same. My parents still do the same things, my dog still demands the same walks and treats, the same maintenance men still work in my complex, and the same neighbors still live around me. But, what has changed is me. I am a different person. Well, still the amazing Michaela you all know and love, but I am a BETTER version of myself. I am happy with who I am. Sure, it takes work. And, being home is a struggle, but I won't sink back into who I was because I am better than that.

Arron keeps asking me what it is like to be back, and he's not sure how it will be for him. It's not something I can't say or write down (having trouble at the moment, as I type). I watch the news and just shake my head at my country. I laugh at the people at restaurant and grocery stores. I find the southern accent so amusing (and I seem to notice it A LOT more now).

I'm home. I feel like I'm at home... I never, ever thought it would.

And, part of it feels like I never left. But, the memories I have and the amazing people that I miss, remind me I did. I miss everyone, a lot.

And, this blog has turned out A LOT cheesier than I intended.

But, this is the end to my Australian blog. I believe I will update this from time to time, as a personal blog, but I am officially ending my Australian Adventure.

I may still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Not sure what I want to do. I'm single and I am completely free to do WHATEVER I want.

How liberating is that.

Until next time,

Michaela

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent

"And I'll wave goodbye, watching you shine bright. I'll wave goodbye tonight."

Last post from Australia! I am boarding my flight in just a few minutes... next stop L.A.!

It's been 10 months and 3 weeks since I've stepped foot in America.

Gonna be strange... strange as.

I have so many things I want to say, but not enough time to say them. Really, I don't have enough time to try and put them into words... just a big jumble in my mind.

I'm gonna miss all the amazing people that I've met...

Most of all, I'm gonna miss Arron. I'm leaving him behind in OZ. He leaves in 2 weeks to go back to Canada. I know I'll see him again, someday... but, to not see him all the time and have him just a text away is weird.

I'm gonna miss you Panda Bear.

Love,

Michaela

Sweet As.

Hi, sorry... I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth.

Well, really I'm not so far off... hello from New Zealand... what seems like the edge of the world. I had heard how amazing New Zealand was, but you can only believe so much of what you hear... but, I can now say with certainty... New Zealand is magical.

But, first...

I ended my 4 month stint in Melbourne by having a few drinks with some of my close friends before heading off to Sydney and the East Coast. Arron wrote a blog post about this, saying he was now dreading his departure because he had been there for mine. He said I seemed distant and sad... I remember getting home that night at about 2am (having to leave for the airport at 3:30am!) and just thinking "this may be the last time I ever am here." How big is that? It could be the last time I ever see these people. Eat this food. Sit on this seat. etc...

I flew out of Melbourne at 6 that morning, arriving in Sydney bright and early to go meet my high school friend Lea, who had just flown in from America. We spent one day there, where I showed her the sights, and then we flew up to Cairns, which is the most north I ever made it to in Australia. The weather was muggy and cloudy, the beach was non existent (low tides and lots of mud), but we still had a good time. We met a very sleepy Arron, who had done what I had done the night before and not had any sleep. We rented a car a few days later and drove up north to the Daintree Rainforest (check "see a rainforest" off my list) and to Cape Tribulation. We didn't see any crocodiles, which they are famous for, but we did see lots of exotic birds and plants. A very gorgeous area and some of the most amazing beaches.

We then took an overnight bus down to Airlie Beach, which is home to the Whitsunday Islands. We were to take a 2 day/2 night sailing cruise to these islands (check "go sailing" off the list). I saw a beautiful sunset... dropped my camera in the ocean...saw whales and dolphins and sea turtles and sting rays wild in the ocean... sat/swam on Whitehaven beach, which is THE best beach I have ever been to. White sand and crystal clear blue waters. I also went snorekling on the great barrier reef (check "see great barrier reef" off list).

We ended the trip by spending one last night in Sydney... where, the next morning, I flew out to beautiful New Zealand. For about 5 years I have wanted to come here. Granted, it's only a 6 day stint, but it's enough to make me want to come back again and again. If you know me well, you know I have this "thing" for kiwis/kiwi culture... so, new life plan is to marry a New Zealander... yup, you heard me.

Anyways, I spent my first night in Christchurch, which was a vicitim to a 7.7 magnitude earthquake about a week and a half ago. They have experienced about 350 aftershocks since then, and I was peacefully eating my dinner on the night of the 12th, when my table and chair begain to shake. It only lasted about 4 seconds, but it was enough. It was about a 4.5 magnitude. Apparently there were 4 more overnight, which I slept straight through.

The next morning I made my way to Greymouth, NZ (west coast) and we drove through some of the most amazing scenery I have ever seen! Then down to Franz Josef (Glacier). I climbed the glacier the next day. I hiked up in my crampons and waterproof gear (it was pissing rain/hail!) and made my way through ice caves. Amazing! Although, I couldn't feel most of my extremities.

The next day I made my way down to Queenstown, where I am now. I hope to go to Milford Sound tomorrow, but apparently the road is closed due to fallen snow, and I will find out tomorrow morning if it is open. This is a ski town, for sure. It's nestled in between some of the most beautiful mountains! I leave for Christchurch on the 18th, then Sydney on the 19th... then to LA on the 20th. I am so near the end I don't even know what to think.

I'm excited for the next chaper of my life. So much has happened, but I believe so much more can happen in the future. I will write again soon.

Love,

Michaela

Forever doesn't exist.

Tonight is my last night in Melbourne. I fly out tomorrow morning. I am headed out to see all my friends one last time (although some won't be there).

We went out to Mikey's show last night, and it was the last time I will see him (either ever or in a long while). I have tried not to think about it. I can't think about saying goodbye to people, it's too hard.

On a side note, Mikey plays keys/vox for King Cannons. Check em out. They were just signed to EMI. :)

Anyways, I'm out for one last night in Melbourne

Love,
Michaela

"I feel that when I'm old, I'll look at you and know, the world was beautiful."

Why hello world, it has been awhile.

Here I am, sitting at Arron's place, living up my last few days in Melbourne. I leave this Saturday to meet an old friend from high school up in Sydney. I have 18 more days in Australia.

A week and a half ago I went to Tassie (pronounced Tazzie) with my English friend Rob. We went and spent a few days in Hobart, which is a sleepy sea-side town. Ironically, it's the capital of Tasmania, but felt more like a small town. There was no "city bustle." I then arrived back in Melbourne at about 9:45 pm on Monday night, slept in the airport, just so I could fly out the next morning to Alice Springs with Arron and Jess. Yes, you read that right, I slept in an airport. I use the world "sleep" pretty loosely too. Mostly, I stared at walls and walked aimlessly around.

Alice Springs is located in the Northern Territory, which is the center of the Outback. This is the "true Australia" out there. We did a three day/two night camping tour of the Outback. We saw The Olgas, Ayers Rock, and Kings Canyon. I saw true aboriginals, walked through Red Dirt, ate a kangaroo (or two), slept outside under the stars (saw the milky way AND the southern cross!), hid my shoes from dingos, and made damper (an aboriginal delicacy cooked over the fire). It was so different than anything I have ever done before, but I loved it. Most of the people in our group were from Korea (South, not North), and it was hilarious listening to them introduce themselves. We all had to go to the front of the bus and say something about ourselves and sing a song. They all mostly sounded like: "Hi, I am [insert common Korean name here], but you can call me Anne. No speak Engrish well, but here is my song. [insert common Korean song where rest of bus joins in by singing and clapping.]"

I got up and sang a little bit of Loretta Lynn's "Ain't Woman Enough." The funny thing is, years ago I wouldn't have done it. I would have been too terrified to make a fool out of myself. It made me put into prospective the person I am today. I take risks that, years ago, would've made me rather dive off a bridge. On our way back to Alice Springs we had to sing another song, so I sang the chorus to "Achy Breaky Heart." Like I had said before, I have become more country by getting out of America. Save me!

Ever since coming back, I've just been hanging out, enjoying my last week. Sunday there was a celebration at Harbour Town Hotel for Melbourne Ice winning their final game, so I hung out with people from work and the Melbourne Ice team. Still find it weird that I moved 15,000 km from home just to hang out with a bunch of hockey enthusiasts? I do. Although, according to Arron, people here know shit about hockey. Forgive him, he's Canadian. It's all they're good at. :P

Anyways, lots of other developments have been happening outside of my Aussie world. For one, I'm pretty sure my family has been stalking me on facebook. I kid, I kid, but seriously, you all are coming out of the woodwork. My step mom and dad added me on facebook... it's like my past is slowing creeping up to me, forcing me to embrace it. Long lost cousins and aunts as well (these are okay... step mom and dad are taking a bit of getting used to). But, I found out that my Uncle Jeffry died a few days ago. He was 39 years old. 39. That's so young, and he had a heart attack. Really, it just makes me want to live my life to the fullest even more. Take more chances, because you never know when it will be your last.

On top of all that, Kipp sent me a friend request on facebook. Okay, I get it, it's just facebook. What harm would come out of us being facebook friends? But, that's the point, facebook makes it so easy for us to get information on anyone's lives without having to really be connected to them. Can't I just make a clean break? Years ago, if you wanted to rekindle something with someone or just catch up, you called them. You sent an email. You sent a letter. You didn't just send a passive friend request, just so you could read their status updates and stalk their pictures just so you could feel more connected to them. Facebook disconnects us from each other. But, that's besides the point.

I sent him a message a few days later asking "why?" Also, telling him that I can't. I have no ill will towards him and only wish him the best, but I cannot be his friend. He responded saying that he reads my blog, just wants to be friends, and wishes me the best. "Reads my blog??" Holy shit. I mean, I know people read this sometimes, but anytime someone actually says they do I go back and read a bunch of posts just to get an idea what someone else might see when they stumble upon this. I know what Kipp reads. I remember the parts where I talked about him... the things I've revealed. Do I really want to be friends with an ex when they know so much about me? They know how fragile they left me? It's taken me 8 months of not talking to Kipp to get to the point where not responding to his message is okay. I don't think about him every day. I ignored the friend request, and it didn't really bother me. Being his friend would bother me more than not being his friend. I've grown too much to regress back to that. Maybe we can be friends someday, but not today. Not anytime soon.

Thank you for reading that ramble... I hope I have updated you on my life. I can't believe I went half a month without posting!

Love,

Michaela

"This old world really ain't that bad of a place."

I don't remember the moment that I was like "I have to travel!" I don't believe I ever had an "a-ha!" moment that decided my life was to be more of a free-for-all rather than a settlement. For most of my life, I did things by the book. I went to a suburban high school, where I was on the dance team, was in band, and was on the honor roll. I went to a four year, private college where I received two bachelors degrees. I searched (and searched and searched...) for a "real" job. I was devastated when I couldn't find one and was (at first) embarrassed that I had to work in a cafe, making (almost) minimum wage. I think the only moment that was an "I have to travel!" was me hitting rock bottom. It was either traveling or suicide... I'm pretty sure I chose the right one. :)

(Listen to "Why" by Rascal Flatts)

Yea, I went to Europe when I was 21, but that was because I've always wanted to see Europe, not because I had a desire to see the world. That was has developed, rather slowly, over the last year. I turned down opportunities to teach in Thailand and the pacific islands because I had panic attacks about not having electricity and running water. When I came to Australia, I had little intention to travel, I just wanted to work and live in another city... far from America. But, the more people talked about traveling, and all these amazing places they were seeing, I had to be a part of it. I'm still not entirely keen on roughing it through Asia or India by myself... the people that do that are far more gutsy than I ever will be. I want to see the world, for sure, but I need a person to hold my hand into things that are out of my comfort zone. I'm willing to try new foods and see new cultures, but I just need a travel partner. At this point in my life, at least. I hope to see South America next, which I would love a travel partner for, as well. But, maybe this will all change as I grow older and (hopefully) wiser. Maybe I will be able to venture out even further on my own. Hey, I came to Australia all by myself... if I can do that, I can conquer the world.

This coming weekend I'm going to Tasmania... honestly, up until last November, I didn't actually know people lived there. Then, to the Outback, back to Sydney, up the coast to Cairns and Whitsundays (Great Barrier Reef!!), to New Zealand... and then America.

I'm preparing myself again for hot, sweaty hostels with 10 people in a room. Bugs. Living out of a bag. Pasta and more pasta... and some more pasta... for every meal, every day. And, everything else that comes with being a traveler. I've grown comfortable... so, here's to breaking out of that comfort zone, one more time!

And, what's funny, is that my friends always laugh at me because everyday I'm always like "I have my life plan!"... and then 2 days later, I have another one. Sure, it may look like irresponsibility, or whatever you want to call it, but I like to think I'm keeping my options. I'm not limiting myself to one thing... I can be A LOT of things. I can see A LOT of things. I want to be unstoppable... just WHICH life plan do I start with???

(Listen to "Unstoppable" by Rascal Flatts)

Only time will tell. :)

Love,

Michaela

p.s. ...somehow I became more southern, just by leaving America. God Bless Country!

"Isn't it ironic?"

My life is funny. Funny things happen to me all the time, which usually don't happen to other people. I attract crazy people. I attract crazy situations. All in all, I tend to make a pretty big fool of myself day in and day out.

Don't worry, I excepted this years ago, so my tolerance for embarrassment is pretty high. I dare you... try to embarrass me!

I mean, my first day of moving in to St. Kilda a crazy lady chased me down the street. If that's not a good example, I don't know what is.

Last weekend was filled with hanging out with good friends, as I might not see them again for a long time (or ever!). Monday night, Rob, Arron, Jake, Tobias and I all went and played curling at the Icehouse. Yes, you heard me right... Curling! It's actually pretty fun, but I still don't get how it's an olympic sport... olympic game, maybe. Afterwards, we were going to the movies to see The Killers (not recommended, at all) with Shelley. While waiting for the tram stop, Tobias is playing with his hockey stick that he needed to take home and is hitting around a paper coffee cup. He decides to slap shot it and it hits me straight under my eye. Of all the places it could have gone, it hits me! Man, he has a powerful slap shot... I got coffee in my eye and a nice tender spot on my face. I tried to play it cool... but, man, I did not look cool in front of Rob. And, that's of course what is important. :P

Second, I went and saw my first footy (AFL, Aussie Rules Football) game at the MCG. This game is a mixture of Rugby, Soccer, American Football, Volleyball and pretty much any other sport thrown in for good measure. Jess, Keith, Arron and I all went... enjoyed typical sporting event foods, like meat pies and tomato sauce, calamari and chips, a chicken schnitzel sandwich, and a bowl of fruit. Jess and I were making note of how many birds were flying around the stadium and sitting on the field, while the players were in action. Not long after the conversation, I felt a warm "plop" on my head. I knew instantly a bird and targeted me. Out of the entire stadium, a bird hit me. I had to stick my head under the tap in the bathroom to get it all off. Nothing says "footy" like a head full of bird crap.

So... I repeat... my life is funny.

Love,

Michaela

"You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes"

I remember when I was young and it was just my mom and I.  I knew that I had a father somewhere, but he wasn't around.  Sometimes I would see him at Christmas, but really all I got excited for was the extra presents.  My father was a second thought.  It never really bothered me, though.  My parents divorced when I was young enough that I never thought twice about it being any different.  I mean, I knew other kid's parents weren't divorced, but my life didn't seem that bad.  My mom and I were best friends and we didn't need a man in our lives to make it okay.

I've lived my whole life this way.  When my step-dad came into the picture, I rejected the idea completely.  I was still young, but old enough to understand now.  It's not that I didn't like him, I did... it's just, it had been just me and my mom for so long... why did it need to change?

But, on the flip side of that, I've always been able to easily adapt to change.  I like change and get bored of most everything after about 3 months.  Perhaps this is due to me moving so much as a kid, or just due to some crazy brain malfunction.  Anyways, even when my step dad came into the picture, I soon adapted.  Sure, we've had our issues, but I didn't see life as bad.  I've never rebelled and generally been happy.  I just knew, in the back of my mind, I never wanted to end up like my mother (no offense, because you've done a hell of a job with a lot of nothing.  I appreciate you so much).

Then, the last two years happened.  God, they sucked.  Looking back on them, especially April 2009, I'm not sure how I survived.  I'm pretty sure I was one step away from hurling myself off a tall building, but in the situation, I never saw it that way.  All I knew is I had let myself fall so hard for someone... I fell so far from where I was that I had no idea how to get out of it.  I was the girl I said I would never be.

What I'm getting at, is fast forward to right now, is I'm growing up.  GASP!  I'm learning that sometimes, even though I resist it all the time, I do like "love."  I like relationships.  I like boys.  Sometimes I think about settling down.  I want someone to like me back.  All those things are starting to occur to me as something I want.  Someday.

Kipp made me be less cynical about love.  He made me believe love exists, because before him, I didn't think it did.  And, I was okay with that thought.  I had never been boy crazy or thought I needed someone else to feel like a whole person.  I'm totally content by myself.  But, Kipp showed me another world.  That I could also be totally content with someone else.  I can have both worlds.

Tonight I realised I'm getting closer to that point.  I'm realising I am human and have emotions... I can be a total girl... even when I deny all the time that I am.  

See, tonight I said good bye (probably forever) to a guy I had a major crush on.  We're talking a total 16-year-old girl crush, where my knees get week and I drool a little when he smiles at me.  I'm not sure why, but I just was... I was crushing hard.  He worked at the Icehouse for me, and we slowly gained a friendship.

Tonight, I had to look at him and say bye, wondering what he was thinking.  Did he want to make a move?  Was I stupid for not making one?  So many "what ifs" that I will never know.  That's the killer.  Did he actually like me?  (it's probably better I don't know the answer to this...) :)

Right before this I had also said bye to another friend, Tobias.  When I got on my tram after walking away from Rob, I started to cry.  It's not because I was crying about Rob, it was the idea of it all.  

I was crying because of everything that I've done and learned here, I'm saying goodbye too.  It's becoming so real.  And, Rob was the first guy that I have truly fallen for since Kipp... I realised that I have come full circle.  I have achieved what I needed to achieve... I saw I can move on.  

That's big, man.

I'm okay now, as some man with a thick Romanian accent said to me on the tram "Why are you crying? You are too beautiful to be crying.  Whatever or whoever it is is now in the past.  Not worth it to look back and cry."  

It's true.  I'm looking forward now... to all the adventure that is to come in my life.  This isn't the end of anything... it's merely the beginning.

Love,

Michaela

"I know in my heart it wasn't you, I knew, but now I know what I want."

My life has changed, a bit.  I have moved out to East Brighton, which is a fancy-pants suburb south east of Melbourne.  I'll be here for about three weeks living in a house with an English guy (who I used to work with at the Icehouse) and an Australian woman.  A Brazilian man moves in tomorrow.  It's a different experience from what I have lived in before, but I really like it.  I get home-made meals and have my own room.

I'm still working at the cafe, but have quit the Icehouse.  I now have free weekends, so my first free weekend in exactly three months consisted of seeing Inception Friday night with Arron (highly recommended!), sleeping in Saturday, going to Arron's favourite cafe and getting a few drinks, going to a bar that night with my friend Mark to have a few drinks and watch the All Blacks vs the Wallabies, a rugby game (the All Blacks kicked the Wallabie's asses!).  Then Sunday, Arron, Brooke and I did the Great Ocean Road.  I got to drive for the first time on the left side of the road!  It was nice to be driving again... forgot how much I love it!  And, the road is absolutely beautiful.  It runs along the southern coast of Australia, between Geelong (South of Melbourne) and Adelaide.  The cliffs are breathtaking.  Even though it was terribly windy and had spouts of rain, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I have 6.5 weeks left in Australia, which means I am that much quicker to having to say goodbye to the amazing people and experiences that I have met here.  The things that I have learned about myself, and other people, are more than I could ever put into words.  I made a promise to Arron the other day that I would, when I go back to Des Moines, not revert back to my old ways.  I sometimes have desires to see Kipp... talk to him, kiss him... but, it goes away as quick as it comes.  I can go days without even thinking of him.  But, what happens when I go back to Des Moines?  Will being that close to him make me fall back to my old ways?  I promised Arron I wouldn't.  If I did happen to see him, I wouldn't let him get to me.  I am better than that.  I am better than the person I used to be.  I also made Arron promise he wouldn't do the same... that hopefully he has taken something from this experience and can be a better person to himself and to the people in his life.  

We both came with such similar stories, and have been the closest of friends from the beginning.  Hopefully we have both learned something from each other. :)  Man, I'll be a mess when I say bye to him...  but, like that famous saying, it's not a good bye, it's a  see ya later.

Anyways, I will be seeing you all soon back in America... which, both excites and terrifies me.

Love,

Michaela

Sweet as.

My life is a complete 180 from Sydney.  Sydney was more of a "glitz and glamour" type of lifestyle.  I lived on the beach, worked a (mostly) Monday to Friday desk job, partied hard on the weekends (and some weekdays), shopped a lot for dresses and heals, and spent a lot of time lounging on the beach.  My life in Melbourne has consisted of working a lot for the last 3 months.  I live in a place without heat (although, I moved out of there on Monday and now live in a hostel).  I wear coats and sweatshirts all the time.  I worked in an ice house, and usually spent 12 hours a day on my feet... I have only recently started to go out, and that consists of going to a bar, sitting and having a few drinks with friends, and going home.  Sydney, we drank before we went out, went to a club, drank and danced until 3am.

Also in Sydney, all my friends were foreigners.  From England, Ireland, Germany, America, Canada...etc... everywhere EXCEPT Australia.  I barely even saw Australians.  Sydney is mostly made up of Asians and tourists.  If we saw an Australian in the bar it was like they were this weird, foreign species that we stared at from afar... not quite sure what to do with them.

In Melbourne, mostly all my friends are from Australia or New Zealand.  I've picked up on the accent a lot more (I say "sweet as"... or "[insert any word here] as" a lot).  

A few of the people that I have hung out with are as follows:

Jess:  Chef at the cafe that I work with.  She's from New Zealand and says "sex" instead of "six."  Come to think of it... all Kiwi's (I love calling them that...) say that.  We bond over our messed up views on relationship and sex... we blame our parents/grandparents for giving us screwed up views of love.  

Sarah: Barista at the cafe.  Also from New Zealand, but she is dating an English man.  She is pregnant with her first child, and we like to give her a hard time every day for her expanding waistline.  She is a true hippy, and the complete opposite of both Jess and I.

Brooke: Worked with me at the Icehouse... she is Australian.  Gets way to excited to clean things... especially the sandwich press.  Gets even more excited when we get new shipments of Steel Wool.  We have had many late night excursions using the buses at night (getting off work at 1am on a Saturday).  We're both a little strange and have a shared of love of saying "...was funny" in any form.  

Mikey:  From New Zealand, he plays in a band.  He will be famous and I will be able to say "I knew him when..."  We like to have random cuddle sessions.  Well, really, he forces himself upon me, forcing me to be the big spoon.  He wears a bowler hat every day, dresses like a hipster, and flirts with anything with boobs.  Possibly why we get along so well.  Plays hockey like a pro and works at the Icehouse selling overpriced merchandise.

Rob:  Also from New Zealand (sidenote: possibly might have lied about knowing a lot of Australians...).  Roommates with Mikey.  Dresses like a hipster and is known for stealing Ray Ban sunglasses from work.  Talking to him has made me say "[insert any word here] as" way more than I ever used to.  Plays hockey and works as an all-rounder at the Icehouse.  

Alice:  From England, but recently relocated to Australia.  Is 16 going on 25.  We only just started to get along, right before I quit the ice house.  Her dream is to own a bar, preferably by the age of 18.  We also like to giggle together over our "16 year old school girl crushes."  

Arron:  Obviously.  You know him... I write about him way too much (don't want to stroke his ego too much. heh.)  The only constant in my Australia experience.  Known him 9 months now... which we both agreed we could've had a child by now, if we had wanted to.  Thank God we didn't want to.  Oh, he's allergic to peanuts and shell fish... I didn't know what to write about him that you didn't already know.

There are a lot of other people that have made my time here very enjoyable, but these are the ones that I have hung out with the most.  And, really... that's not that much, since I worked all the time.  But, now that I have quit the Icehouse, I have a lot more free time.  

Speaking of the Icehouse, wanted to thank everyone there for making work not suck so much.  All of the kitchen staff... keeping me filled up on fattening foods and making me laugh.  Also, thanks for dousing me with water on my last night.  Thanks to everyone else, you know who you are.  Skeet, Scotty, Jake, Leo, and Travis always kept me entertained.  I will miss you all.  (even though, pretty sure no one really reads this.)

All Icehouse staff, left to right, Danielle, Rob, Me, Brooke), Leo, Arron (drunk on his 25th), and Mikey.

Again, Icehouse staff, Shelley, Lachlan, Danielle, Ali, Skeet, Scotty.

Love,

Michaela

"We promised each other it's til the end."

I'm starting to get anxiety about going home.  It's not because I hate you all... really, I miss home, I promise I do.  But, I start to fear things will be the way they were before they left.  I fear nothing will have changed.  It will be summer 2009 all over again.  And, let me tell you... I'm sure hell is a nicer place.

I will be going back to America September 20th.  That is less than 2 months away now (yikes).  I'm getting to the point where the amount of things I want to do are not fitting into my allotted travel time, and this is frustrating.  What happens once I get back?  Do I have to get a "grown up" job, spending 9 hours a day in a box, staring at a computer?  Because, honestly, that sounds awful.  Worse than awful... painful.  Really, I'm planning on going back to school and getting some sort of masters/mba.  Perhaps explore the hospitality degrees, since I do enjoy it a lot.  And, I plan on finding a way to never have to "work" a day in my life.. ie, never have to sit in a cubicle for 9 hours a day. 

While travelling I have met so many people like me, because back home I always felt like I was the weird one.  But, here, I'm just normal.  Well, whatever "normal" is considered... because, I'm pretty messed up.  Just read my blog, you can figure that one out.

One thing I love about travellers is they are keen to try almost anything.  Weird food?  Sure, why not!  Crazy, death-defying activity?  Yea, sign me up!  When I get home, that excitement is gone out of everyday life.  Everything back home is the same and familiar.  Here, even after being around for many months, things are still exciting.  The Aussies still speak funny.  The city is still breathtaking.  I still have to pinch myself to remind me I'm here.  I don't get that feeling back home.

I know I can't live this way forever.  I have to find a way to "setlle" myself some how, some day.  But, it's not necessarily true.  I will always be a wondering soul who gets uncomfortable in one spot too long.  I can't see that ever changing.  I just need to find a career that supports this... and radio/television bores me.  I would say I spent four years on a wasted degree, but had I not done this four years I would've never ended up where I am now.  Everything happens for a reason.

The thing is, I'm so happy in my life right now, I tend to get upset over the tiniest things... just cause I'm a girl and my body is trying to find things to be wrong.  But, really... I'm happy.  I can't stress those words enough.  But, I worry that my happiness is related to my state of place rather than related to my state of mind.

But, I am looking into things back home that will keep me sane.  I have grown to love hockey (watching and playing) over the last year, and have looked into some programs back home where I can keep improving my game (because it's pretty weak at the moment).  And, speaking of ice sports... it is my last week at the Icehouse.  I am going to miss (most) everyone that I worked with.  I really did make some friends there and had some great times.  I loved the times where the staff had the whole place to ourselves after all customers left at 1am and we would play stick and puck on the ice.  I also dealt with a lot of shit there, as it's ran pretty badly... but, the good times outweigh the bad in the end.  

Us skating... there is an American, a Canadian (I bet you can't guess which one...), a German, and two Aussies in this pic.  Seriously, my friends are like the UN.

"Hold on for just one more second,

Longer than you thought you could.

The things that seemed so hard

Are just one fleeting memory,

Filled with a smile that can't be changed."

Love,

Michaela

It's just a little bit of history repeating.

I decided to walk a different way home from the tram stop the other day and walked by a building that I have always seen but never closely paid attention to.  I saw a little plaque, so I decided to stop and read.  It is formerly known as the Wattle House and was built in 1840, making it one of the oldest structures in Melbourne, let alone Australia.  This alone intrigued me.  But, it's history is even more intriguing.

Russell’s earliest surviving building in Melbourne is St James’ Anglican Old Cathedral, 419-435 King Street, Melbourne (1839-51), which was relocated stone by stone from its original site in King Street.  Jackson’s (and indeed Melbourne’s) earliest surviving building on its original site, St Francis’ Roman Catholic Church (1841-45 & 1849) has been in heavy continuous use since the day it opened on 22 May 1842.

Jackson was born in England, the eldest of three brothers who in 1829 when he was 21, all emigrated toHobart in Van Diemen’s Land.  In England, Jackson had operated as a builder.  In Tasmania he turned his hand to design as well, employing his brothers as carpenters. Three of his buildings survive in Hobart. In 1835 he joined the John Pascoe Fawkner syndicate.  Crossing to Melbourne from Launceston in 1835, soon after Fawkner, he arrived within weeks of Russell.  He first established a pastoral property near Sunbury. He then returned to the practice of architecture.

In 1840, he opened a part-time office in Little Collins Street, developing a practice responsible for more significant buildings than any other architect prior to the Gold Rush, although many no longer survive.  He was designer of Scots’ Church, Collins Street (corner of Russell Street, 1841-42, demolished for the construction of the present Scots’ in 1873); St Patrick’s Church (1850, predecessor of the present Cathedral); St Mary’s, Geelong (1846); St Patrick’s Hall (Victoria’s first Legislative Assembly); the first Melbourne Hospital (1848); Charnwood, St Kilda the house for Octavius Browne (1855); Fairlie, Col. Anderson’s house, South Yarra (1846); ‘Tower House’; St Paul’s Church, Pentridge (1851-53) and Toorak House (1848-50).

With Russell, he entered the 1844 competition for the first Princes’ Bridge.  They received second prize, despite the winner, Charles Laing not fulfilling the competition conditions, not the last time for such a dubious occurrence in Melbourne.

As a designer without architectural training, Russell’s designs are provincial, unaffected, and even naive.  His details are very difficult to source, generally Gothic and Picturesque.  The ornament of St Francis recalls the decorated halls of the Commissioners’ Gothic, which Jackson may well have experienced as a builder in London.  He also painted one of the most important relics of early Melbourne- a panorama of the town on 30 July 1841, which is now in the La Trobe Collection of the State Library of Victoria.

Jackson had moved to Acland Street, St Kilda in 1845. He is listed in the 1847 Port Phillip Directory as ‘Samuel Jackson Architect, St Kilda’. For Prof. Miles Lewis, this is sufficient to date Wattle House as ‘c1847’. With F.G. Dalgety and H.F. Gurner (26), Jackson had purchased land at the second Crown Landsale in St Kilda in 1846. Eventually, he owned several hectares between Fitzroy, Acland and Grey Streets.

Jackson’s design for Wattle House is particularly Romantic, in a Picturesque Gothic or Cottage Orneémanner. But Lewis, Australia’s principal expert on prefabrication has confirmed that Wattle House is not, as is often claimed, prefabricated. Its design was probably derived by Russell, from architectural Pattern Books. Further research is needed to determine which.

It is two-storied with steeply pitched gabled roofs, with Tudor details and most decorative fretwork barges and finials, timbering and small-paned casement windows.  It is the oldest surviving house in St Kilda.

A fascinating technical detail is that the roof of Wattle House is partially clad with Morewood & Rogers iron roof tiles. Today, these are very rare in Victoria, but Berkley Hall’s stables (26) have them and formerly, so did the stables of Fenagh Cottage (25). Galvanised iron tiles reached Victoria as a patent method of roofing from 1850 and were used for about twenty years. They are about 900 x 575 mm and screw-fixed over half-round timber rolls, as an overlocking seal between tiles. Morewood and Rogers tiles were the earliest and most common, after those of their predecessors, Morewood & Co. The tiles were imported from a factory in leafy Gospel Oak, North London. (http://www.skhs.org.au/skhsbuildings/23.htm).

In 1863 it was leased off and turned into an all girls school.  In 1878 it was auctioned off, and has a few times after as well, and has been home to a brothel and now stands as a hostel (although, I think it was closed this year..., no proof on that though).  

It is a beautiful building that stands ominously over the shabby area that is St Kilda, reminiscing of the grandeur, beauty and prestige that St Kilda used to stand for.

A great article talking about exactly this... http://www.stkildaessence.com.au/09-essays/meyer-eidelson.html

You never know what history is, literally, right around the corner from you.

(Circa 1860)

(Circa 1865)

(Circa 2004)... looks way more run down now, which makes me think it's shut down.

Love, 

Michaela

Ice, Ice Baby.

I work at an ice rink...

...in a cafe...
...with some (kinda) cool peeps...
Love,

Michaela

"Lean on me when you're not strong and I'll be your friend."

My adventure in Australia is starting to come to an end.  That means I have less than 4 months left (my visa expires Nov 2nd).  I think about the things I've done and the people I've met, and I can't believe how far I've come.  When I came to Australia, I was a mess.  As I've mentioned before, I was still emotionally involved with Kipp and had to hop countries just to try and get some solace.  

I made some of my best friends within the first few weeks in Australia.  Lizzo, Annie, Sarah, Will, Arron and Hilary.   We've lived and worked together in Sydney.  We've travelled together.  We've partied.  We've fought.  We've also parted ways.  Arron and Hilary are the only ones still around, here in Melbourne with me.  

Had I been back home, most of us probably wouldn't have been friends, but our circumstances brought us closer than I've been to a lot of friends in my life.  I hope that I can stay friends with them for a really long time, even though we are now dispersed around the world.  Just like I try and stay friends with the people I miss back home (EP, Sara, Amy... etc).

Back in Sydney, I would say Lizzo was my best friend.  We lived together, worked together, and partied together.  It was pretty sad when she left, but I know we'll meet up again someday.  Now that I'm in Melbourne, I would say Arron is my best friend.  We've been close for 8 months now... and we even work at the Icehouse together.  

We've fought, been incredibly annoyed with each other, but we've also shared some of the best experiences together.  We did jump out of a plane together on my 23rd birthday.  He also was the person who helped me get over Kipp; made me realise I deserve better and that there are plenty of other people out there for me.  He's awkward and funny... makes me laugh through any situation.  We're total opposites, but for some reason we get along really well.

Can't believe it's been 8 months (and 2 days!).  That is twice as long as the time I spent in Austria.  The closer I get to leaving, I get sad, but I am excited at the same time.  I am a person who likes change and hates to settle.  I've realised this about my personality and am trying to accept it.  My whole life I've had problems keeping in touch with people and expressing my feelings to anyone.  

I've taken huge steps here on that, thanks to the amazing people I've met and the experiences I've had.

Thanks everyone!

And, thanks Arron... I will miss you and never forget you as my friend who gets red after 1 drink and wasted after 3.  :P

Love,

Michaela

For sake of letting you know I'm alive...

...Here is a trip down memory lane.

I was "Miss Understood"... that outfit was my idea of being goth-punk when I was 15...
Playing with cards when we should've been sleeping.  Sleeping on a floor, btw.  Life of a travelling show performer :) 
I'm the one with my head thrown back, full splits in the orange and pink...
In the center with the rifle in the pink and orange!
Marching band and drill team "Blue Shades"
Can you spot me?  I have a rifle.
Sylves and I drinkin' in the hotel.  So badass.
Parades. Whoooo.
Group hang... we partied so hard.
Winterguard.

April 2004 in San Diego, at the Winterguard World Championship.  I'm on the right on the end.
What I'm getting at is... I never realized how "American" I am until getting away and spending so much time with non-Americans.  I have friends joke about how "American" my stories sound.  They sound like movies or "Saved by the Bell" episodes. 

So, this post is celebrating that.

Love,

Michaela