This balance has weighed out our heart's desire; I'm trying to make it alone.

Faces in Disguise by Sunny Day Real Estate

these fears come rushing in when i enter here
another layer on my back
a blazing fire where our glances meet
the largest feeling towering over me
faces in disguise
not a trace of desire...

i long to take you to a secret place
where we could lay aside our past
we'd throw the world away with all it's pain
to shine like stars through storm and clouds and rain
faces in disguise
not a trace of desire...

go face the day, go and see new things
go face the day, but you'll remember me...

i see a tear inside when you're turned away
another wound that i'd take back
if i could fill your heart just once
and then i'd take you now
where we could live again
faces in disguise

not a trace of desire...
faces in disguise
not a trace of desire...
go face the day, go and see new things
go face the day, but you'll remember me.

*****

This song is so relevant to how I feel, and have felt for sometime. I've also met quite a few people here who are experiencing the emotions so beautifully portrayed in this song.

When you meet a new person here one of the first questions they ask you is "Why did you decide to come to Australia?" Now, I've touched on this before, but what I haven't discussed is how common the answers are here. Everyone is running away/to something. A lot people are running to find excitement and joy in a life they found so dull back home. When you get people talking past their surface answers, you realize how many people in this world are hurting just like you and looking for that one thing to grab onto and make them happy. I'm not saying everyone is here under false pretenses and putting on a fake smile in hopes of magically being happy one day. What I mean is that we all are so similar, we just never realize it until tragedy brings us together.

I have met people from every continent (minus Antartica, for various reasons...) and I've had at least a couple people, from different countries, say they came here to heal a broken heart. Now, it's not the only reason they came here. They also came cause they hated their job, hated their living situation, and wanted an adventure. But, a big reason for country-hopping was because they were in love with someone and that love fell apart. And, really, everyone in this world makes decisions based on who they love and who they don't... even for a cynic on love like me, I can tell you, love really does make the world go round.

A lot of us are here to figure out whether what we have back home is worth it. I know I eventually have to go home (sadly, the Aussies won't keep me forever) and I think all the time how it's going to be when I arrive on American soil again. Will my friendships be the same? How about the relationship with my family? And, the one that hurts me as much as it gets me through the day: how will he and I be? It's too far off to dwell on now, but it's amazing how much I am like hundreds of other people all around the world. We are all hurting and loving in the same ways, just speaking a different language.

I'm so happy here and am thankful for every day I wake up and am able to look out and see the ocean and know that I am in paradise. Last night was the first night in my apartment and I got to wake up, at 6am, and eat my cereal while sitting in my living room looking at the ocean. I could've sat on our balcony, but even in summer, Sydney is cold at 6am. I smile more than I frown and I rarely get homesick. So, don't think I'm pouting. I just think all the time how much we try to hide whats really killing us inside because we think we're alone, when really the next person next to you could be going through the same thing.

Who knows where my future leads, but I do know that this experience is making me more able to approach them with a level head and an open heart.

Now, back to work...

Cheers!

Sweet as sugar.

Aussies/Kiwis eat this wonderful dessert called a Caramel Slice. It's very sweet and hits the spot when a sugar craving hits. I thought I would share the recipe and definitely recommend it for your holiday parties (obviously you'd have to switch the measurements and temperatures to "American!") They sell them everywhere here and will probably be the cause of a 20 pound gain!

http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/9164/chocolate+caramel+slice

Enjoy!

I'm off to move into my apartment... BEST. DAY. EVER.

Oh, also, thought I would share that Hilary and I got a free McFlurry at 3am in the morning from Macca's (That's what they call McDonald's here)... we are THAT awesome!

Cheers!

Travelling: It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A few friends and I (consisting of 4 Irish, 3 Americans, and possibility 2 British (my new roomies)) will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner tonight. We're going to have a feast, however, there will be no Turkey. They don't really have any here right now... we hear rumor they have them out for Christmas but not for this time because they don't actually celebrate Thanksgiving. I learned that they celebrate Boxing Day, however, and that's there big shopping day of the year, like our Black Friday.

T-minus 2 days until Apartment move in! I have never been so excited for a closet in my life... for the last month I have had to live out of a backpack... no, not a suitcase with a big open top where you can view everything easy, but a top-loading backpack that is a blackhole for everything that I own. No matter how often I shower, I feel dirty. Doing laundry in a hostel is a joke (an expensive one, at that). I did a "load of laundry" the other night, and by that I mean I washed all my underwear in the sink with some OxiClean knock off brand. Talk about classy. I didn't want to pay $6 PER LOAD for 10 pairs of underwear. I can't wait to have my own free washer for 2 months to finally feel freshly laundered.

One of my little annoyances about here is about how bad the public transport system is. Sydney has four different types of public transportation: bus, ferry, train, and monorail. They go all over the suburbs and inner city and it's so finely detailed, you think they would have a good schedule down for how to work them. Well, they don't. Buses very rarely ever run on time. I will give them a thumbs up for their train system, as it does have times letting you know when they will arrive and if they will be late. I haven't rode the ferry or monorail yet, however, the bus experience has been enough to turn me away. I ride the bus at least twice a day every day, and I usually spend 30 min, at least, each time just waiting at the bus stop. Bus says it's supposed to arrive at 5:10pm... it will come at 5:35. I left at 8pm last night to catch the 8:05pm bus to Bondi Junction (20 min bus ride) and it came at 8:30, with the 8:35 scheduled bus pulling in right behind it... talk about efficient! ha! Then, I had to wait 35 min at Bondi Junction to catch my next bus into Bondi... the walk from Coogee to Bondi take about 1 hour, one way... I could've walked it in that time! It's a little ridiculous, but it's just something you have to take in stride. "No worries, mate" as the Aussies say.

Eat some good food today, and have some Turkey for me!

Cheers!

You've got to reach out, can't be too careful anymore.

"And I'll face the one who made my disgusting heart from a lump of clay. Should he ask what got me through, If he asks me, it was you." -Cemetery by Say Anything

How could I have forgotten the new Say Anything album came out Nov. 3??? I feel so isolated from my world! Everyone should go listen to Say Anything's new self-titled album... I love them. But, I just would like to point out how much I hate self-titled albums. Seems a bit narcissistic.

All that aside, everything is well here. I'm working on a Sunday, which sucks a bit, especially because I had to pay $20 to take a cab to work because the buses don't start running on this line til 8am and I had to be here at 7:30 am. That's one hour of work to pay for my cab ride! Oh well, it's a slow day, so I'm just Internet-ing it up. It's just me and another fellow backpacker here, and he's watching True Blood. We're so cool.

I also had a breakfast of champions: instant coffee and grilled cheese, on brown bread. No, not wheat bread... brown bread! That's what they say here "White or Brown?" Makes sense, I guess.

Another thing I'm getting used to about living in a beach town is that people go everywhere barefoot and in their swimsuits! I'm talking people are grocery shopping in beach gear... no shoes and sopping wet. Is it like this in all beach towns, or just here?? It doesn't bother me, or anything, it's just weird. Not sure I'm at that comfort level... I like to be clothed when outside the beach.

Speaking of the beach, I finally went into the ocean on Friday. Almost lost my bottom of my swimsuit, but I survived and had a blast. I wear sunscreen all the time and I've still gained a tan... way more tan than I've ever been in my life. I like it, but I will probably return with the souveniour no one wants: skin cancer. Eek! *goes and slaters on the cream*

Yea, they call it suncream, not sunscreen.

On Friday we went to an Australian campus bar and partied with 20 year old Aussies. It was a great time because I finally got to see Australians! I hang with so many foreigners, sometimes I forget I'm actually in Australia.

And, on a side note, being here has gotten me thinking. Before I came, so many people were so confused as to why I wanted to go to Australia. People even had the nerve to tell me I wouldn't make it here and not to get my hopes up. Even a few who told me I was naive and shouldn't be so optimistic... Well, to all those disbelievers out there, I did make it. I an apartment with three awesome roommates. I have a wonderful job and make good money (better than being an Assistant Manager for Atlanta Bread Company). I am living on my own without parental help. I am the happiest I have ever been. I've met the coolest people that I get a long with so well. I know what I did isn't for everyone, but it still makes me sad when I see so many people who don't chase after anything because they are too scared of what bad might happen. Sure, I've fallen many times, but I pick myself back up. Life isn't about succeeding all the time, but it is about adventure and seeing how far you can go. For the people that live their whole life scared of what you can't see, I have a few words of advice. Go out and have an adventure today. Whether it be small or big, do something new. Go somewhere unfamiliar. You'll be amazed by what you see (both around you and inside of you).

Alright, I'm done preaching. That's not what this blog is about, but I had just been thnking about how many people didn't believe in me at all. I believed in myself, I knew in my heart I wanted to be here and that I would make it. I really have never been happier!

Well, I should get back to work. Sadly, work doesn't do itself.

Picture to right >>>>>>>>>>>> is of Coogee Beach at sunrise. This is where I live now :)

Michaela

"When I was ten years young, my douche best friend
Decided that I was just not cool enough for him
My awkward frame and buck-tooth grin
Were no accouterments for one with a new skin
Well, late last week I saw that man
He was far too high to grasp that I shook his hand
I’ve got my pride and my rock band
Singing words that he don’t understand"
-Young, Dumb, and Stung by Say Anything

Go listen: NOW!

The Crazies Came Out To Play

I decided to call it an early evening, showering and crawling into bed at 9:30pm. I was having a wonderful, undisturbed sleep, that was until about 1am. I woke up to a commotion out in my living room (I’m staying in a hostel room with a living room, beds off to the side, separated by a wall, and two separate bedrooms in which you need a key to access. There was a lady going on and on about her cousin who had screwed her over and she was throwing furniture, packing, and unpacking her items, and speaking in a monotone voice about her cousin and how she is a tramp. My roommates were trying to ask her questions, but it was like she was in her own world. It kept escalating to violence against our furniture (the stuff is glued down to the floor... not anymore!) and she was tossing them into our big windows in front of the balcony. I’m surprised they didn’t shatter. I was just sitting in my bed, wondering what was going on, until the girl who had been trying to calm the woman down, went into one of the bedrooms and they closed the door. I didn’t want to be alone with this woman, so I hightailed it over to their door, the woman behind me, and knocked. Once I got in, there were 8 of us locking ourselves in from her. One of the girls did decide to be brave, however, and went out of the room and downstairs in order to get help. The owner of the hostel came in and made the lady get out. There were a lot of yelling, and the fighting continued in the hostel common room until 3am, when the cops came to arrest her. I believe I met my first nutter (or crazy person as we call them back home)! I am safe, however, and after a big cockroach incident after that at 4am, I finally got to have a good nights sleep until I had to wake up at 730 am in order to get to work!

How was your night?? :)

Things are finally looking up.

I HAVE A JOB! That's right... I'm officially a real person again. I am working at a call center for a company called CityMove (www.citymove.com.au). I just give people quotes for their upcoming moves. Not really exciting, but it pays really well... $20 an hour! Way better than anything I've ever had back home.

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, so much that I can't even remember. But, I have enjoyed my days laying on the beach, hanging out with friends, and eating good food (by the beach).

I figured I would just update to let you know I am alive

Random, but there is a coffee vending machine next to me, and I just realized the options:

Espresso
Cappucino
Caffe Latte
Mochaccino
Mocha Latte
Hot Chocolate
Chicken Soup

Anything out of place there? Not sure I want chicken soup out of a coffee machine...

Also, just a few random things I have noticed before I go.
1. They don't like to label streets/buildings here. It's really annoying riding the bus and having no one/no sign announce what street they are stopping at. And, buses only stop if you tell them to, even at big stops, and will only pulll over to pick you up if you flag them down. Even if you're standing at the bus stop, they will drive straight past you unless you wave at them.
2. They say "no worries" a lot. It's their lifestyle.
3. Nude beaches: definitely was shocking. Every beach is a nude beach... if you want to go topless, go for it. It's... different!

That's all for now.

Cheers!

Poor Kangaroo,but you taste so good!

It's been a couple of days and a lot has happened! I'm not sure I can even begin to express how crazy the last couple of days have been. I have met a lot of people and done a lot of things. Sydney is amazing and I still can't believe I'm here. I love it and I never want to leave.

One: I have an apartment.
I was in the IEP office (the program that I'm with) and a girl, who I had been facebook friends with, came up to me and asked if I wanted to go apartment viewing with her and another girl. We ended up getting a beachside apartment in Coogee, Sydney, Australia. It's right ON THE BEACH! And, it's fully furnished and really cheap. I'm really excited. It's four of us in a gorgeous apartment that has a HUGE balcony that looks right over the beach. It's about a 1.5 minute walk to the sand. I definitely don't have that back home.

Two: I have friends.
:D I was so worried coming here that I wouldn't meet anyone. I am a pretty shy person normally and tend to have difficulty meeting, and keeping, friends. But, I took a deep breath before coming here and told myself it was a "now or never" type situation. I opened up immediately to lots of people and have made sure to say yes to every situation that presents itself. Already I have done so much more than I ever have back home, and I've already been here a week. At the moment I have friends from America, Sweden, France, Norway, England, Germany, and Australia.

Three: I went on a date. WHAT?
I met this Swedish guy and we hung out a couple of nights with friends before he asked me out on a date. This was where I tried Kangaroo. That's right: KANGAROO STEAK! It was really good! I swear it tastes just like filet mignon, but he swears it tastes much better and richer than that. But, he's a Swede... so what does he know?? :P I also went bowling with him and his Swedish friends a couple of nights before the date, taught them how to play pool, and went to a strip club. I know, you're thinking "uh...??" but, they wanted to go, and it was free, so we went. I'm not a strip club regular, so I can't say I can compare it really to anything back in the states, but it was quite an experience. We had a stripper try to sell us a lap dance AND exctasy in one sentance. I'm proud to say we denied her, but I think it's the first person I've met (knowlingly) on drugs. I'm glad that it's a rare occurance in my life. Not really my thing! But, all the crazy stuff aside, he is a really cool guy and it has opened my eyes to a totally different culture (Swedish) than mine... like, he had never seen a bum before (apparently they don't have them in his town), so we had to stop and chat with the first bum that we saw. This is not something I would normally do, but it actually opened my eyes to not necessarily be scared of homeless people (I still won't give them money)... but, I had an interesting story to tell from talking two minutes to a corner bum.

I've realized a lot about myself already in the week I've been here. Australians are very laid back and very friendly. I'm still getting used to the whole "look right THEN left" situation, but I haven't been hit by a car yet, so this is a plus! Other than that, it's really pretty similar to back home. They are a nice combination between Europe and America.

I'm still job hunting, but I could possibly have a job or two... I will find out tomorrow. Fingers crossed! Also, I went to the aquarium today and will share pictures soon! It was cool to see animals way different than back home! Of course, I have pictures of the opera house too. :)

Now that you've gotten a glimpse into the last (crazy) week, I'm off to go to bed. I move out to Coogee tomorrow, which is about 30 minutes southeast of Sydney. I'm ready for the beach, because it will be a nice break from the hot, sweaty city!

Cheers!
Michaela

How are you going?

Another post?? What?  It's rainy outside and I spent a good couple hours walking around in the rain, getting my bearings on the area.  I had cheesecake for lunch and now came back to share some pictures with everyone!

But, first, a little recap of yesterday.  I applied for a few jobs (as well as today), and walked around Darling Harbour.  It was gorgeous there, sitting by the water.  I could definitely do that for a living!  But, the highlight was getting to go to Bondi Beach and layout for an hour or so in the 100 degree weather!  It's a famous beach here is Australia and it was amazing.  Then, Sarah and I went down to a German Pub and got some drinks... I'd say it was a day well spent.  I got a call this morning from one of the cafes I applied to, so I'm crossing my fingers for that job! The only thing is it is in northern sydney (across the harbour), so it will be a little rough if I end up moving in with a few people i've been talking to, because we'd live in Bondi.  They are about 30 min driving away from each other!

Anyways, enjoy some pictures and I will update in a couple of days... don't get used to this everyday stuff.  I'm just having trouble filling up 16 hours of tourist activities... there is only so much a girl can see in one day!  I'm off to apartment shop with some other girls after this!  

Click me for photos!

G'day Mate!

I have arrived!  Well, technically I arrived at 6am yesterday... but, I am finally sitting down to write about my first day.  Talk about a long one, too.  I didn't go to bed until midnight, after getting only 5 hours of sleep on the plane that night, and only 4.5 hours the night before!  I had planned on going to the local hostel bar and having one drink and then going to bed, but things didn't exactly turn out like that.  I was sitting at the bar sipping on my Bulmers (cider beer) and a canadian couple started chatting with me, and after a little while they offered me some of their beer.  I denied, but they kept insisting.  They bought four pitchers!  So, needless to say, I had a good night chatting and drinking Snakebites (a local specialty, apparently!).  They had so many questions about being an American, and I of course questioned their Canadian-ness.  :)  Haven't met any aussies really (besides the ones that have helped me at the bank, hostel, etc), but I've met scottish, irish, english, swiss, and german.  

I opened a bank account and have began applying for jobs.  I've hit the ground running!  It's a short update for now, as I have only been here a day and haven't even really seen the city.  I plan on doing that today!  I've only seen one small portion of it.  Although, it surprised me how asian it is in this area... there are A LOT of massage parlors!  I'm stayin' clear of those.  

I'm loving it so far.  The weather is GORGEOUS and the people are so nice.  Everyone is laid back and willing to help with anything.  Hope all is well back in the states and I will update very soon with more exciting details... once I've actually done something exciting!

WRITTEN WHILE ON THE PLANE TO LAX.

I hate flying.  Every time that I have to take a flight I wake up that morning with the worst stomach ache.  I cannot eat or drink without feeling nauseous.  The feeling usually goes away once I'm in the air, but it's the anxiety beforehand that gets to me.  The anxiety for this flight began two days before.  I think I lost two pounds in two days due to not being able to eat (although, I did do a pretty good job at putting away a hefty amount of food at Macaroni Grill last night!).  The thing is, I love to travel and I would never give it up; thus, I have to fly.  I'm not even sure why I hate flying so much, since I have been ever since I was a little kid.  I don't mind the packing, the waiting in line, sitting and waiting, or even the long hours you have to spend on the airplane.  What I do mind is how much everything is out of your hands.  I willingly put myself into perfect stranger's hands, trusting them to carry me, and 200 of my closest strangers, through nothing buy sky, thousands of miles and land safely on a short strip of asphalt.  I don't like it, not one bit.

That aside, my flight is going very smooth!  I'm currently over New Mexico (according to our lovely Pilot, who could very well moonlight as a tour guide).  There is some sort of gorge below me, and it's gorgeous.  Although, not as spectacular as seeing the Grand Canyon from the air!  I believe we have two more hours left (two have already flown by, pun intended!).

This whole moving to Sydney thing really hasn't hit me yet.  I said bye to family and friends, but it still hasn't hit me yet.  Perhaps when I land and am stranded in the middle of Sydney, alone, it will smack me right across the face.  More like a nice punch to the face than a smack.  It will definitely be forceful and rudely awakening.  I'm, in a really weird sense, looking forward to that.  Hello adventure!

Next time I update I will be in Australia!

Love, Michaela