"This old world really ain't that bad of a place."

I don't remember the moment that I was like "I have to travel!" I don't believe I ever had an "a-ha!" moment that decided my life was to be more of a free-for-all rather than a settlement. For most of my life, I did things by the book. I went to a suburban high school, where I was on the dance team, was in band, and was on the honor roll. I went to a four year, private college where I received two bachelors degrees. I searched (and searched and searched...) for a "real" job. I was devastated when I couldn't find one and was (at first) embarrassed that I had to work in a cafe, making (almost) minimum wage. I think the only moment that was an "I have to travel!" was me hitting rock bottom. It was either traveling or suicide... I'm pretty sure I chose the right one. :)

(Listen to "Why" by Rascal Flatts)

Yea, I went to Europe when I was 21, but that was because I've always wanted to see Europe, not because I had a desire to see the world. That was has developed, rather slowly, over the last year. I turned down opportunities to teach in Thailand and the pacific islands because I had panic attacks about not having electricity and running water. When I came to Australia, I had little intention to travel, I just wanted to work and live in another city... far from America. But, the more people talked about traveling, and all these amazing places they were seeing, I had to be a part of it. I'm still not entirely keen on roughing it through Asia or India by myself... the people that do that are far more gutsy than I ever will be. I want to see the world, for sure, but I need a person to hold my hand into things that are out of my comfort zone. I'm willing to try new foods and see new cultures, but I just need a travel partner. At this point in my life, at least. I hope to see South America next, which I would love a travel partner for, as well. But, maybe this will all change as I grow older and (hopefully) wiser. Maybe I will be able to venture out even further on my own. Hey, I came to Australia all by myself... if I can do that, I can conquer the world.

This coming weekend I'm going to Tasmania... honestly, up until last November, I didn't actually know people lived there. Then, to the Outback, back to Sydney, up the coast to Cairns and Whitsundays (Great Barrier Reef!!), to New Zealand... and then America.

I'm preparing myself again for hot, sweaty hostels with 10 people in a room. Bugs. Living out of a bag. Pasta and more pasta... and some more pasta... for every meal, every day. And, everything else that comes with being a traveler. I've grown comfortable... so, here's to breaking out of that comfort zone, one more time!

And, what's funny, is that my friends always laugh at me because everyday I'm always like "I have my life plan!"... and then 2 days later, I have another one. Sure, it may look like irresponsibility, or whatever you want to call it, but I like to think I'm keeping my options. I'm not limiting myself to one thing... I can be A LOT of things. I can see A LOT of things. I want to be unstoppable... just WHICH life plan do I start with???

(Listen to "Unstoppable" by Rascal Flatts)

Only time will tell. :)

Love,

Michaela

p.s. ...somehow I became more southern, just by leaving America. God Bless Country!

"Isn't it ironic?"

My life is funny. Funny things happen to me all the time, which usually don't happen to other people. I attract crazy people. I attract crazy situations. All in all, I tend to make a pretty big fool of myself day in and day out.

Don't worry, I excepted this years ago, so my tolerance for embarrassment is pretty high. I dare you... try to embarrass me!

I mean, my first day of moving in to St. Kilda a crazy lady chased me down the street. If that's not a good example, I don't know what is.

Last weekend was filled with hanging out with good friends, as I might not see them again for a long time (or ever!). Monday night, Rob, Arron, Jake, Tobias and I all went and played curling at the Icehouse. Yes, you heard me right... Curling! It's actually pretty fun, but I still don't get how it's an olympic sport... olympic game, maybe. Afterwards, we were going to the movies to see The Killers (not recommended, at all) with Shelley. While waiting for the tram stop, Tobias is playing with his hockey stick that he needed to take home and is hitting around a paper coffee cup. He decides to slap shot it and it hits me straight under my eye. Of all the places it could have gone, it hits me! Man, he has a powerful slap shot... I got coffee in my eye and a nice tender spot on my face. I tried to play it cool... but, man, I did not look cool in front of Rob. And, that's of course what is important. :P

Second, I went and saw my first footy (AFL, Aussie Rules Football) game at the MCG. This game is a mixture of Rugby, Soccer, American Football, Volleyball and pretty much any other sport thrown in for good measure. Jess, Keith, Arron and I all went... enjoyed typical sporting event foods, like meat pies and tomato sauce, calamari and chips, a chicken schnitzel sandwich, and a bowl of fruit. Jess and I were making note of how many birds were flying around the stadium and sitting on the field, while the players were in action. Not long after the conversation, I felt a warm "plop" on my head. I knew instantly a bird and targeted me. Out of the entire stadium, a bird hit me. I had to stick my head under the tap in the bathroom to get it all off. Nothing says "footy" like a head full of bird crap.

So... I repeat... my life is funny.

Love,

Michaela

"You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes"

I remember when I was young and it was just my mom and I.  I knew that I had a father somewhere, but he wasn't around.  Sometimes I would see him at Christmas, but really all I got excited for was the extra presents.  My father was a second thought.  It never really bothered me, though.  My parents divorced when I was young enough that I never thought twice about it being any different.  I mean, I knew other kid's parents weren't divorced, but my life didn't seem that bad.  My mom and I were best friends and we didn't need a man in our lives to make it okay.

I've lived my whole life this way.  When my step-dad came into the picture, I rejected the idea completely.  I was still young, but old enough to understand now.  It's not that I didn't like him, I did... it's just, it had been just me and my mom for so long... why did it need to change?

But, on the flip side of that, I've always been able to easily adapt to change.  I like change and get bored of most everything after about 3 months.  Perhaps this is due to me moving so much as a kid, or just due to some crazy brain malfunction.  Anyways, even when my step dad came into the picture, I soon adapted.  Sure, we've had our issues, but I didn't see life as bad.  I've never rebelled and generally been happy.  I just knew, in the back of my mind, I never wanted to end up like my mother (no offense, because you've done a hell of a job with a lot of nothing.  I appreciate you so much).

Then, the last two years happened.  God, they sucked.  Looking back on them, especially April 2009, I'm not sure how I survived.  I'm pretty sure I was one step away from hurling myself off a tall building, but in the situation, I never saw it that way.  All I knew is I had let myself fall so hard for someone... I fell so far from where I was that I had no idea how to get out of it.  I was the girl I said I would never be.

What I'm getting at, is fast forward to right now, is I'm growing up.  GASP!  I'm learning that sometimes, even though I resist it all the time, I do like "love."  I like relationships.  I like boys.  Sometimes I think about settling down.  I want someone to like me back.  All those things are starting to occur to me as something I want.  Someday.

Kipp made me be less cynical about love.  He made me believe love exists, because before him, I didn't think it did.  And, I was okay with that thought.  I had never been boy crazy or thought I needed someone else to feel like a whole person.  I'm totally content by myself.  But, Kipp showed me another world.  That I could also be totally content with someone else.  I can have both worlds.

Tonight I realised I'm getting closer to that point.  I'm realising I am human and have emotions... I can be a total girl... even when I deny all the time that I am.  

See, tonight I said good bye (probably forever) to a guy I had a major crush on.  We're talking a total 16-year-old girl crush, where my knees get week and I drool a little when he smiles at me.  I'm not sure why, but I just was... I was crushing hard.  He worked at the Icehouse for me, and we slowly gained a friendship.

Tonight, I had to look at him and say bye, wondering what he was thinking.  Did he want to make a move?  Was I stupid for not making one?  So many "what ifs" that I will never know.  That's the killer.  Did he actually like me?  (it's probably better I don't know the answer to this...) :)

Right before this I had also said bye to another friend, Tobias.  When I got on my tram after walking away from Rob, I started to cry.  It's not because I was crying about Rob, it was the idea of it all.  

I was crying because of everything that I've done and learned here, I'm saying goodbye too.  It's becoming so real.  And, Rob was the first guy that I have truly fallen for since Kipp... I realised that I have come full circle.  I have achieved what I needed to achieve... I saw I can move on.  

That's big, man.

I'm okay now, as some man with a thick Romanian accent said to me on the tram "Why are you crying? You are too beautiful to be crying.  Whatever or whoever it is is now in the past.  Not worth it to look back and cry."  

It's true.  I'm looking forward now... to all the adventure that is to come in my life.  This isn't the end of anything... it's merely the beginning.

Love,

Michaela

"I know in my heart it wasn't you, I knew, but now I know what I want."

My life has changed, a bit.  I have moved out to East Brighton, which is a fancy-pants suburb south east of Melbourne.  I'll be here for about three weeks living in a house with an English guy (who I used to work with at the Icehouse) and an Australian woman.  A Brazilian man moves in tomorrow.  It's a different experience from what I have lived in before, but I really like it.  I get home-made meals and have my own room.

I'm still working at the cafe, but have quit the Icehouse.  I now have free weekends, so my first free weekend in exactly three months consisted of seeing Inception Friday night with Arron (highly recommended!), sleeping in Saturday, going to Arron's favourite cafe and getting a few drinks, going to a bar that night with my friend Mark to have a few drinks and watch the All Blacks vs the Wallabies, a rugby game (the All Blacks kicked the Wallabie's asses!).  Then Sunday, Arron, Brooke and I did the Great Ocean Road.  I got to drive for the first time on the left side of the road!  It was nice to be driving again... forgot how much I love it!  And, the road is absolutely beautiful.  It runs along the southern coast of Australia, between Geelong (South of Melbourne) and Adelaide.  The cliffs are breathtaking.  Even though it was terribly windy and had spouts of rain, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I have 6.5 weeks left in Australia, which means I am that much quicker to having to say goodbye to the amazing people and experiences that I have met here.  The things that I have learned about myself, and other people, are more than I could ever put into words.  I made a promise to Arron the other day that I would, when I go back to Des Moines, not revert back to my old ways.  I sometimes have desires to see Kipp... talk to him, kiss him... but, it goes away as quick as it comes.  I can go days without even thinking of him.  But, what happens when I go back to Des Moines?  Will being that close to him make me fall back to my old ways?  I promised Arron I wouldn't.  If I did happen to see him, I wouldn't let him get to me.  I am better than that.  I am better than the person I used to be.  I also made Arron promise he wouldn't do the same... that hopefully he has taken something from this experience and can be a better person to himself and to the people in his life.  

We both came with such similar stories, and have been the closest of friends from the beginning.  Hopefully we have both learned something from each other. :)  Man, I'll be a mess when I say bye to him...  but, like that famous saying, it's not a good bye, it's a  see ya later.

Anyways, I will be seeing you all soon back in America... which, both excites and terrifies me.

Love,

Michaela