"I fought you for so long, I should've let you in..."

A random fact about me:  I tend to not be able to write about what is happening in my life when a lot has happened.  I struggle to find words to describe the amazing/horrible things that happen to me.  When my life is boring, when I actually have time to sit and ponder things and become irresistible witty, then I have things to write.  

But, because so many of you keep hassling me, I'm going to try and put the last two weeks into words (and make it worth reading).

It's cloudy here and so is my head

The hint of these new tears are showing

I try to choke them back

But, it's useless

I'm useless against them

Let me start by saying, I've reached a weird point in my travels.  For the last six months I've been having the time of my life and never regretting my choices.  But, my emotions have caught up with me, and I'm wishing I could be anywhere else but here.  Not that I'm not loving Melbourne and the opportunity of my new job, but I feel a little "empty," so to say.  I think this may be due to some things that have happened back in America that have made me feel so useless because I am so far away.  It also may be due to some things that have happened here that make me want to be so far away.

The best way to do this is count it down.

1. My wallet was stolen.  Somewhere in between going out, going to bed and waking up at 7:20 am on the 27th of April, my wallet was stolen.  I have no idea to this day what happened, I just know I woke up to take me flight to Melbourne from Sydney, and I had no wallet.  No Money. No ID (took my passport).  Luckily, JetStar doesn't require ID for domestic flights (scary, right?), but... one problem... I was scheduled to be on an international flight (Sydney to Melbourne to Bangkok).  This would require my passport, which was conveniently in the hands of some person who really just wanted my credit cards.  

I ran around trying to find my wallet in the hostel, called (and woke up) my friend Ryan to see if it was at his place, asked the hostel, and called and cancelled my two cards that I use for money (one American and one Australian).  I packed quickly and just barely made my airport connection service.  He had asked me if I was Domestic of International, so I said International; however, as I was on the way, I called JetStar to ask if a copy of my ID would suffice and she proceeded to tell me that my flight had been moved to Domestic.  So, I told the driver Domestic.  

I get in and try to check in, and they can't find me.  The lady proceeds to be rude and say "Well, had you read your itinerary you would have saw you were International."  I (very nicely) explain my situation and what the lady said on the phone, and she responds with a simple "you'll be fine, go to International."

Well, what they don't tell you is it costs $5.50 to get to the International terminal from the Domestic.  I had $20 in my purse to last me my entire stay in Melbourne (HA!).  So, I paid it and get over to International.  

The lovely JetStar attendants at the International check in tell me that "No, you have to have your actual passport to fly, due to customs. We will transfer you to a Domestic flight, at no cost."  Well, that's all good and well, but now I have to get back over to Domestic.  I explain that I only have $16 dollars to last me, and the one lady (to her credit) does attempt to get me over for free.  It doesn't work, however.  So, I pay another $5.50 to get back to Domestic.

I now don't have enough money to take the $16 to take the airport transfer from the airport to Melbourne city centre.  So, I call my friend Arron to meet me at the Airport, and I promise to pay him back.

So, I check in to my Domestic flight, arrive in Melbourne, meet Arron, get into the city to check into my hostel that I had booked a few days ago, only to find out that my copy of my ID won't suffice.  I have to have a hard copy.  AND, not only do they turn me away, but there policy requires they take one nights pay from me since it was cancelled less than 24 hours in advance.  

Funny, I don't have enough money for food, let alone a night's accommodation I won't be using.  So, Arron charged his card.  $24 more dollars I owe him (Total: $40 for those of you having trouble keeping up).

Thanks to Arron, again, he gets a friend to house me on his couch for two nights.  Which, I appreciate very much and their very nice guys, but they don't have heat, nor do I have a blanket.  So, I end up wearing almost every article of clothing I own to keep warm for two nights.  

I go on a job interview for the Icehouse (thanks to Arron, again).  

I go to IEP (the program I came through) and meet an American girl from the midwest (who now lives in Tennessee as well!) who lives in a place out of St. Kilda (20 minute tram ride south of Melbourne) that won't require ID and is only $145 a week.  

SOLD!

I move out from the couch and down to St. Kilda.  This is now Thursday (I arrived Tuesday).

I spend two days trying to apply for jobs.  Friday, after printing out more resumes in IEP, I meet up with Arron who tries and gets me to go to a mall with him.  Discouraged, since I have no money, I at first say no, but soon give in.  As we're walking around, he gets a call from his boss at the Icehouse asking for my number (weird, cause it's on my resume).  

A minute later I get a call, informing me I got the job!  I start Saturday, 5pm.

Ecstatic, I buy a pair of shoes.  Naturally.

Work goes well Saturday and Sunday.  I work in the cafe of an ice rink!

Things are starting to look up for me.  Today, I went and used out the privilege of getting to skate for free!  It's been a good while since I have skated, and I have never skated with hockey skates.  So, I had Arron teach me how to skate like a hockey player, and I'm proud to say, that in an hour I could skate (fast!), do right cross overs (kind of), and skate backwards (enough to be impressed with myself).

2.  I find out Nashville is flooding.  Both Taylor Swift and members of Paramore tweet about this.  It makes me want to be home and be caught up in the community spirit that floods bring about.  Even though I deny it  a lot, Nashville is home.

3.  My friends have been having a tough time lately and I want to be there and hug them.  I want to sit and eat ice cream and watch shitting episodes of The Hills.  I want to gossip and go out to bars like old times.  I miss my friends more than I have in a very, very long time.

4.  Boys.  Always confusing and always making me frustrated.  I would elaborate, but really I think I've said enough already.

5.  I think I'm getting tired of the same old in Australia.  I don't want to sit around and drink or go out and party all the time.  No, I don't want to drink your Goon.  I've felt very anti social lately because I can't relate with everyone in the hostels that just want to party all the time.  I had six months of partying... I can't do it anymore.

6.  I miss my friends that have left me in Australia.  Come baaaaaaaaack.

Okay, okay this has turned into a pretty ridiculous rant.  Let me end it...

I am moving into the city centre from St. Kilda tomorrow morning so I won't have an hour commute to and from work all the time!  Plus, I hope to leave this party hostel/atmosphre behind.  

I don't know where this week will lead me, but I do know that I am in Australia for another 5 months.  I am okay with this and am excited, don't get me wrong.  I love what I'm doing and wouldn't change it for the world, as I have learned more about myself than I ever did at home.

But, I am starting to realise (after having a talk with a friend) that the reasons that I came here have resolved themselves.  I am merely staying for enjoyment.  That being said, times will get hard and I will have moments where I want to throw up my hands and get the hell out.  But, life is hard and you have to stick through it.  I came here to find myself and to get away from everything that was killing me inside.  I am staying (I pushed my flight back another five months, from May 1st) in order to make sure what I feel inside is real.  That I am okay.  So, maybe it's just at six months, life wants to throw me a curve ball and say "Are you sure you made the right choice?"

And, even though life is crumbling a bit back home and inside my heart, I look at the city sky line and think "possibly."  I close my eyes, and can't picture anything else but the Melbourne skyline, the Aussie accents, and everything else involved and I think "yes, yes I did."

Love,

Michaela

"...and all I was trying to do was save my own skin, but so were you."