"When someone sees the same people everyday, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

The Alchemist

Well, here goes nothing.

Why hello there, didn't expect to see you again so soon. Yea, I didn't intend to write for awhile because I didn't think I had anything interesting to say. But, I have a rant that I need to get out.

I am embarrassed to be an American right now. Maybe this is because I've been so sheltered from everything that's been going on and I'm being thrown into the fire, so to speak... everything is bombarding me at once, but I don't think that's fully the case.

I have spent many years of my life defending my country. Sure, I'll make jokes at America's expense, but I do love my country. I am and will always be an American. But, I have never EVER hated my country as much as I do right now.

It's because of politics. Religion. Hatred. To me, they've all become one.

I read that there was a pastor in Florida that was planning a Quran burning because people were having issues with a Mosque being built by the World Trade Center. No, he didn't go through with it, but the fact that anyone would even suggest this OR support it, disgusts me. Who cares if a Mosque is in the vicinity of the World Trade Center? There are Mosques all over this nation. Islam is not the Taliban. Islam is a religion based on peace, the Taliban is a "right wing, conservative" version of this religion. Just like skin heads here in America.

I am absolutely furious that people think this is okay. I'm not a Christian, but I do not hate on those who are. I am not a religious person... never have been and probably never will be. But, if you want to believe in God and practice religion, ANY RELIGION, I say "more power to you." God is a powerful concept, and for some people, I believe a very important individual. Religion helps give people faith that this life is not all there is... that there is more to life and death. That heaven exists.

But, what I find so perplexing is, if all religious people are preaching and believing in almost the exact same thing (just through different ways and Gods), then why is there so much hate. What God would say hate is okay, especially to another religious person. I don't know a lot about religion, but I'm pretty sure it teaches something about tolerance. About love.

Oh wait, I think that means tolerance and love ONLY if you believe in exactly what I believe in. How dare we try and understand each other.

Also, burning the Quran accomplishes nothing except only spreading more anger and hate. Apparently he was quoted to say something about this proving that all Muslims are terrorists because they will be so mad they will retaliate. How ignorant and mean a statement. First off, HE is the one starting the fight, so who wouldn't retaliate? But, second, it does not prove they are terrorists. That's an outlandish and foolish statement. It's ignorant.

On a completely different tangent, I'm sick of watching the Democrats fight against the Republicans, and vice versa. I used to like politics. Got excited to vote for my first presidency. But, I'm starting to realize it's all pointless. I will most likely not be voting this November. I do not see one side/one candidate that I want to represent me. Every politician is only out for personal gain. They do not care that America is drowning under it's own weight... just as long as they make it, everything will be just fine.

I used to question the idea of socialized health care. That people would use it as a free ride. However, the older I get, I realize how ignorant of a thought that was. I didn't know that people actually get turned down from health insurance they will fully pay for because they are a health risk. Yea, that means if you are a sick individual and NEED health insurance, you have a lower chance of getting it. You are forced to wade through hundreds of thousands of medical bills. People die with so much debt and it's passed on to their families. "Sorry that your father died before his insurance could be processed, but here are his bills."

In other countries no one is denied healthcare. Sure, you may have to wait on a procedure if it's not an emergency, but if it is an emergency, you are bumped up and receive exceptional care. The same health care we receive here in America. Our politicians media have made us believe that Canadians/British/Australians are DYING in waiting rooms because of free health care. Sure, sometimes people do die in waiting rooms overseas.

But, guess what, they die in our waiting rooms everyday, too. And, those people were paying good money.

Personally, I'd rather die for free, then die having paid a copay and a $500 a month insurance premium. We both end up in the same ground.

I do believe everyone should work hard. No one should be given a free ride. But, giving free basic healthcare is not giving people a free ride. I believe it should be the Government's responsibility.

I believe the Government should provide good, quality FREE education as well. Man, am I a radical or what.

Look, people say all these "socialist" ideas will raise our taxes, and they're unwilling to pay. But, last time I looked at an American pay check, or looked at a receipt from the grocery store, I AM being taxed. A lot. And, honestly, I'm not seeing a whole lot come from it.

I am up to my eyeballs in student loans and do not have health insurance (since I am unemployed and not a student).

People from other countries go to school for free or really cheap and receive the same, if not better education. We go to school less days then the rest of the world, are in class less hours, and some how we pay so much more. How is that logical?

The thing that I'm getting at is, America is falling. We've been falling for awhile, and I believe it's going to be awhile before we are on top again. We are no longer the country that everyone looks to. We are not the strongest economically. Other countries are surpassing us. And, I believe it's only going to get worse.

It's not Obama's fault. It's not Bush's fault. It's EVERYONE'S fault. If only we could stop pointing fingers and actually come together to fix our nation... as Americans.

Michaela

"I like it when you see a person as a shell and you can't understand the million stories they have inside them."

I've been back in America for over a week now. This blog fell off towards the end of my travels, and I apologize for that, but I do have a few reasons for it... lack of Internet and lack of words. I did intend for this blog to end when I left Australia, but I left it so abrubtly and with no explaination of "the end" and my week in LA. So... here it goes.

I boared the V Australia flight from Sydney to LA at 8pm on Monday the 20th. Arron had accompanied me to the airport, as he had to fly back to Melbourne later that evening. I put off going through security/customs as long as I could, until it was actually time to board. I didn't want to say goodbye. I was sitting at the airport, next to Arron, when I wrote that last blog. I had read his blog post he'd written about me, and I was speechless when it came to responding. How do you say goodbye to a person you've grown so close to in 10 months time?

Sure, we'll probably see each other again, but when you meet friends abroad it's like the friendship has an expiration date. At a certain date in the near future you have to part ways, not exactly knowing when the next meet up point will be. That's a hard idea to grasp. Sure, there is facebook and MSN, but nothing ever compares to being able to call up your bestfriend and share a random story, send a ridiculous text, or just meet up for a random tuesday in the city.

We travelled Australia together, lived and worked together... shared the highest and lowest of times. Some of my favourite moments together include walking along Bondi or Coogee beaches and eating ice cream. or, just sitting on cliffs over looking the waves. We skydived together on my birthday, trying our best to grab life by the balls. I remember the moment he saved me when I came to Melbourne, broke and lost. He taught me how to ice skate and gave me a new appreciation for hockey. He calls me out on my crap, doesn't let me get away with much, and laughs at my jokes (well, most of them).

He's been everything from my best friend to my boyfriend. So, I hugged him as long as I could and tried not to cry. Proud to say I only got a little teary. FInally, I had to go. I turned around and walked towards customs. Towards home.

I arrived in Los Angeles about 13 hours later at 5pm on September 20th. It's weird, cause when you travel to Australia you lose one whole day of your life. I will never get November 1st, 2009, back. But, coming back, you only gain 3 hours. Seems unfair.

Anyways, I met my friend Lizzo, who if you remember is the girl I met in Sydney and lived with. She now lives in LA, trying to make it in the industry.

I've never had a good impression of LA, but I figured I'd give it a chance. Over the week I've seen Hollywood and the walk of stars, The Grove and famous Farmers Market, Torrance/Redondo beach, Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Venice Beach and boardwalk, and experienced record breaking 113 degree heat (45 celcius)!

I've gone through moment of hating America.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. -Sir Winston Churchill

I hate our money... it's impractical (make money that doesn't tear and can't be destroyed in the wash). I hate tipping... it's impractical (give higher wages to all employees/higher minimum wage). I hate having to add tax onto purchases (just include it in the price... write $8.30 as opposed to $7.99). I've had my moment of having to adjust back to there being so many Hispanics around. Don't take that the wrong way, I don't have anything against them, but I've gone a year without hearing any Spanish, then BAM! it's everywhere. In Australia, Asians are everywhere... in America, it's Mexicans.

Although, I will say, I only got honked/whistled at twice my entire time in Australia... I was in LA a week and I was already up in the double digits. Ahh... welcome home.

I flew back to Nashville on Tuesday and surprised my parents at home, since they didn't think I was coming home until the beginning of November.

It's weird being back. Being in the same place where my life was such a hell last year. I'm sitting in the same room where I had so many breakdowns exactly a year ago. One of the first things I did when I got back was reread some of the poems/songs/stories I had saved on a harddrive. They are both painful and liberating to read. It's painful to know I was in that place, not realizing that I was so close to escaping it... but, it's liberating because I can sit here now and know what happy feels like.

I'm so glad to see you smiling So good to hear your laugh I think that you've found you even Missed yourself I'm only asking this because I think that Truth be told Oh, you'll never go again

I was worried before I came back that I could fall back into my old life. That nothing would have changed. And, I was right to a certain extent... not much has changed. Life is pretty much the same. My parents still do the same things, my dog still demands the same walks and treats, the same maintenance men still work in my complex, and the same neighbors still live around me. But, what has changed is me. I am a different person. Well, still the amazing Michaela you all know and love, but I am a BETTER version of myself. I am happy with who I am. Sure, it takes work. And, being home is a struggle, but I won't sink back into who I was because I am better than that.

Arron keeps asking me what it is like to be back, and he's not sure how it will be for him. It's not something I can't say or write down (having trouble at the moment, as I type). I watch the news and just shake my head at my country. I laugh at the people at restaurant and grocery stores. I find the southern accent so amusing (and I seem to notice it A LOT more now).

I'm home. I feel like I'm at home... I never, ever thought it would.

And, part of it feels like I never left. But, the memories I have and the amazing people that I miss, remind me I did. I miss everyone, a lot.

And, this blog has turned out A LOT cheesier than I intended.

But, this is the end to my Australian blog. I believe I will update this from time to time, as a personal blog, but I am officially ending my Australian Adventure.

I may still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Not sure what I want to do. I'm single and I am completely free to do WHATEVER I want.

How liberating is that.

Until next time,

Michaela

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent

"And I'll wave goodbye, watching you shine bright. I'll wave goodbye tonight."

Last post from Australia! I am boarding my flight in just a few minutes... next stop L.A.!

It's been 10 months and 3 weeks since I've stepped foot in America.

Gonna be strange... strange as.

I have so many things I want to say, but not enough time to say them. Really, I don't have enough time to try and put them into words... just a big jumble in my mind.

I'm gonna miss all the amazing people that I've met...

Most of all, I'm gonna miss Arron. I'm leaving him behind in OZ. He leaves in 2 weeks to go back to Canada. I know I'll see him again, someday... but, to not see him all the time and have him just a text away is weird.

I'm gonna miss you Panda Bear.

Love,

Michaela

Sweet As.

Hi, sorry... I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth.

Well, really I'm not so far off... hello from New Zealand... what seems like the edge of the world. I had heard how amazing New Zealand was, but you can only believe so much of what you hear... but, I can now say with certainty... New Zealand is magical.

But, first...

I ended my 4 month stint in Melbourne by having a few drinks with some of my close friends before heading off to Sydney and the East Coast. Arron wrote a blog post about this, saying he was now dreading his departure because he had been there for mine. He said I seemed distant and sad... I remember getting home that night at about 2am (having to leave for the airport at 3:30am!) and just thinking "this may be the last time I ever am here." How big is that? It could be the last time I ever see these people. Eat this food. Sit on this seat. etc...

I flew out of Melbourne at 6 that morning, arriving in Sydney bright and early to go meet my high school friend Lea, who had just flown in from America. We spent one day there, where I showed her the sights, and then we flew up to Cairns, which is the most north I ever made it to in Australia. The weather was muggy and cloudy, the beach was non existent (low tides and lots of mud), but we still had a good time. We met a very sleepy Arron, who had done what I had done the night before and not had any sleep. We rented a car a few days later and drove up north to the Daintree Rainforest (check "see a rainforest" off my list) and to Cape Tribulation. We didn't see any crocodiles, which they are famous for, but we did see lots of exotic birds and plants. A very gorgeous area and some of the most amazing beaches.

We then took an overnight bus down to Airlie Beach, which is home to the Whitsunday Islands. We were to take a 2 day/2 night sailing cruise to these islands (check "go sailing" off the list). I saw a beautiful sunset... dropped my camera in the ocean...saw whales and dolphins and sea turtles and sting rays wild in the ocean... sat/swam on Whitehaven beach, which is THE best beach I have ever been to. White sand and crystal clear blue waters. I also went snorekling on the great barrier reef (check "see great barrier reef" off list).

We ended the trip by spending one last night in Sydney... where, the next morning, I flew out to beautiful New Zealand. For about 5 years I have wanted to come here. Granted, it's only a 6 day stint, but it's enough to make me want to come back again and again. If you know me well, you know I have this "thing" for kiwis/kiwi culture... so, new life plan is to marry a New Zealander... yup, you heard me.

Anyways, I spent my first night in Christchurch, which was a vicitim to a 7.7 magnitude earthquake about a week and a half ago. They have experienced about 350 aftershocks since then, and I was peacefully eating my dinner on the night of the 12th, when my table and chair begain to shake. It only lasted about 4 seconds, but it was enough. It was about a 4.5 magnitude. Apparently there were 4 more overnight, which I slept straight through.

The next morning I made my way to Greymouth, NZ (west coast) and we drove through some of the most amazing scenery I have ever seen! Then down to Franz Josef (Glacier). I climbed the glacier the next day. I hiked up in my crampons and waterproof gear (it was pissing rain/hail!) and made my way through ice caves. Amazing! Although, I couldn't feel most of my extremities.

The next day I made my way down to Queenstown, where I am now. I hope to go to Milford Sound tomorrow, but apparently the road is closed due to fallen snow, and I will find out tomorrow morning if it is open. This is a ski town, for sure. It's nestled in between some of the most beautiful mountains! I leave for Christchurch on the 18th, then Sydney on the 19th... then to LA on the 20th. I am so near the end I don't even know what to think.

I'm excited for the next chaper of my life. So much has happened, but I believe so much more can happen in the future. I will write again soon.

Love,

Michaela

Forever doesn't exist.

Tonight is my last night in Melbourne. I fly out tomorrow morning. I am headed out to see all my friends one last time (although some won't be there).

We went out to Mikey's show last night, and it was the last time I will see him (either ever or in a long while). I have tried not to think about it. I can't think about saying goodbye to people, it's too hard.

On a side note, Mikey plays keys/vox for King Cannons. Check em out. They were just signed to EMI. :)

Anyways, I'm out for one last night in Melbourne

Love,
Michaela

"I feel that when I'm old, I'll look at you and know, the world was beautiful."

Why hello world, it has been awhile.

Here I am, sitting at Arron's place, living up my last few days in Melbourne. I leave this Saturday to meet an old friend from high school up in Sydney. I have 18 more days in Australia.

A week and a half ago I went to Tassie (pronounced Tazzie) with my English friend Rob. We went and spent a few days in Hobart, which is a sleepy sea-side town. Ironically, it's the capital of Tasmania, but felt more like a small town. There was no "city bustle." I then arrived back in Melbourne at about 9:45 pm on Monday night, slept in the airport, just so I could fly out the next morning to Alice Springs with Arron and Jess. Yes, you read that right, I slept in an airport. I use the world "sleep" pretty loosely too. Mostly, I stared at walls and walked aimlessly around.

Alice Springs is located in the Northern Territory, which is the center of the Outback. This is the "true Australia" out there. We did a three day/two night camping tour of the Outback. We saw The Olgas, Ayers Rock, and Kings Canyon. I saw true aboriginals, walked through Red Dirt, ate a kangaroo (or two), slept outside under the stars (saw the milky way AND the southern cross!), hid my shoes from dingos, and made damper (an aboriginal delicacy cooked over the fire). It was so different than anything I have ever done before, but I loved it. Most of the people in our group were from Korea (South, not North), and it was hilarious listening to them introduce themselves. We all had to go to the front of the bus and say something about ourselves and sing a song. They all mostly sounded like: "Hi, I am [insert common Korean name here], but you can call me Anne. No speak Engrish well, but here is my song. [insert common Korean song where rest of bus joins in by singing and clapping.]"

I got up and sang a little bit of Loretta Lynn's "Ain't Woman Enough." The funny thing is, years ago I wouldn't have done it. I would have been too terrified to make a fool out of myself. It made me put into prospective the person I am today. I take risks that, years ago, would've made me rather dive off a bridge. On our way back to Alice Springs we had to sing another song, so I sang the chorus to "Achy Breaky Heart." Like I had said before, I have become more country by getting out of America. Save me!

Ever since coming back, I've just been hanging out, enjoying my last week. Sunday there was a celebration at Harbour Town Hotel for Melbourne Ice winning their final game, so I hung out with people from work and the Melbourne Ice team. Still find it weird that I moved 15,000 km from home just to hang out with a bunch of hockey enthusiasts? I do. Although, according to Arron, people here know shit about hockey. Forgive him, he's Canadian. It's all they're good at. :P

Anyways, lots of other developments have been happening outside of my Aussie world. For one, I'm pretty sure my family has been stalking me on facebook. I kid, I kid, but seriously, you all are coming out of the woodwork. My step mom and dad added me on facebook... it's like my past is slowing creeping up to me, forcing me to embrace it. Long lost cousins and aunts as well (these are okay... step mom and dad are taking a bit of getting used to). But, I found out that my Uncle Jeffry died a few days ago. He was 39 years old. 39. That's so young, and he had a heart attack. Really, it just makes me want to live my life to the fullest even more. Take more chances, because you never know when it will be your last.

On top of all that, Kipp sent me a friend request on facebook. Okay, I get it, it's just facebook. What harm would come out of us being facebook friends? But, that's the point, facebook makes it so easy for us to get information on anyone's lives without having to really be connected to them. Can't I just make a clean break? Years ago, if you wanted to rekindle something with someone or just catch up, you called them. You sent an email. You sent a letter. You didn't just send a passive friend request, just so you could read their status updates and stalk their pictures just so you could feel more connected to them. Facebook disconnects us from each other. But, that's besides the point.

I sent him a message a few days later asking "why?" Also, telling him that I can't. I have no ill will towards him and only wish him the best, but I cannot be his friend. He responded saying that he reads my blog, just wants to be friends, and wishes me the best. "Reads my blog??" Holy shit. I mean, I know people read this sometimes, but anytime someone actually says they do I go back and read a bunch of posts just to get an idea what someone else might see when they stumble upon this. I know what Kipp reads. I remember the parts where I talked about him... the things I've revealed. Do I really want to be friends with an ex when they know so much about me? They know how fragile they left me? It's taken me 8 months of not talking to Kipp to get to the point where not responding to his message is okay. I don't think about him every day. I ignored the friend request, and it didn't really bother me. Being his friend would bother me more than not being his friend. I've grown too much to regress back to that. Maybe we can be friends someday, but not today. Not anytime soon.

Thank you for reading that ramble... I hope I have updated you on my life. I can't believe I went half a month without posting!

Love,

Michaela