"I like it when you see a person as a shell and you can't understand the million stories they have inside them."

I've been back in America for over a week now. This blog fell off towards the end of my travels, and I apologize for that, but I do have a few reasons for it... lack of Internet and lack of words. I did intend for this blog to end when I left Australia, but I left it so abrubtly and with no explaination of "the end" and my week in LA. So... here it goes.

I boared the V Australia flight from Sydney to LA at 8pm on Monday the 20th. Arron had accompanied me to the airport, as he had to fly back to Melbourne later that evening. I put off going through security/customs as long as I could, until it was actually time to board. I didn't want to say goodbye. I was sitting at the airport, next to Arron, when I wrote that last blog. I had read his blog post he'd written about me, and I was speechless when it came to responding. How do you say goodbye to a person you've grown so close to in 10 months time?

Sure, we'll probably see each other again, but when you meet friends abroad it's like the friendship has an expiration date. At a certain date in the near future you have to part ways, not exactly knowing when the next meet up point will be. That's a hard idea to grasp. Sure, there is facebook and MSN, but nothing ever compares to being able to call up your bestfriend and share a random story, send a ridiculous text, or just meet up for a random tuesday in the city.

We travelled Australia together, lived and worked together... shared the highest and lowest of times. Some of my favourite moments together include walking along Bondi or Coogee beaches and eating ice cream. or, just sitting on cliffs over looking the waves. We skydived together on my birthday, trying our best to grab life by the balls. I remember the moment he saved me when I came to Melbourne, broke and lost. He taught me how to ice skate and gave me a new appreciation for hockey. He calls me out on my crap, doesn't let me get away with much, and laughs at my jokes (well, most of them).

He's been everything from my best friend to my boyfriend. So, I hugged him as long as I could and tried not to cry. Proud to say I only got a little teary. FInally, I had to go. I turned around and walked towards customs. Towards home.

I arrived in Los Angeles about 13 hours later at 5pm on September 20th. It's weird, cause when you travel to Australia you lose one whole day of your life. I will never get November 1st, 2009, back. But, coming back, you only gain 3 hours. Seems unfair.

Anyways, I met my friend Lizzo, who if you remember is the girl I met in Sydney and lived with. She now lives in LA, trying to make it in the industry.

I've never had a good impression of LA, but I figured I'd give it a chance. Over the week I've seen Hollywood and the walk of stars, The Grove and famous Farmers Market, Torrance/Redondo beach, Laguna Beach, Newport Beach, Venice Beach and boardwalk, and experienced record breaking 113 degree heat (45 celcius)!

I've gone through moment of hating America.

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. -Sir Winston Churchill

I hate our money... it's impractical (make money that doesn't tear and can't be destroyed in the wash). I hate tipping... it's impractical (give higher wages to all employees/higher minimum wage). I hate having to add tax onto purchases (just include it in the price... write $8.30 as opposed to $7.99). I've had my moment of having to adjust back to there being so many Hispanics around. Don't take that the wrong way, I don't have anything against them, but I've gone a year without hearing any Spanish, then BAM! it's everywhere. In Australia, Asians are everywhere... in America, it's Mexicans.

Although, I will say, I only got honked/whistled at twice my entire time in Australia... I was in LA a week and I was already up in the double digits. Ahh... welcome home.

I flew back to Nashville on Tuesday and surprised my parents at home, since they didn't think I was coming home until the beginning of November.

It's weird being back. Being in the same place where my life was such a hell last year. I'm sitting in the same room where I had so many breakdowns exactly a year ago. One of the first things I did when I got back was reread some of the poems/songs/stories I had saved on a harddrive. They are both painful and liberating to read. It's painful to know I was in that place, not realizing that I was so close to escaping it... but, it's liberating because I can sit here now and know what happy feels like.

I'm so glad to see you smiling So good to hear your laugh I think that you've found you even Missed yourself I'm only asking this because I think that Truth be told Oh, you'll never go again

I was worried before I came back that I could fall back into my old life. That nothing would have changed. And, I was right to a certain extent... not much has changed. Life is pretty much the same. My parents still do the same things, my dog still demands the same walks and treats, the same maintenance men still work in my complex, and the same neighbors still live around me. But, what has changed is me. I am a different person. Well, still the amazing Michaela you all know and love, but I am a BETTER version of myself. I am happy with who I am. Sure, it takes work. And, being home is a struggle, but I won't sink back into who I was because I am better than that.

Arron keeps asking me what it is like to be back, and he's not sure how it will be for him. It's not something I can't say or write down (having trouble at the moment, as I type). I watch the news and just shake my head at my country. I laugh at the people at restaurant and grocery stores. I find the southern accent so amusing (and I seem to notice it A LOT more now).

I'm home. I feel like I'm at home... I never, ever thought it would.

And, part of it feels like I never left. But, the memories I have and the amazing people that I miss, remind me I did. I miss everyone, a lot.

And, this blog has turned out A LOT cheesier than I intended.

But, this is the end to my Australian blog. I believe I will update this from time to time, as a personal blog, but I am officially ending my Australian Adventure.

I may still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Not sure what I want to do. I'm single and I am completely free to do WHATEVER I want.

How liberating is that.

Until next time,

Michaela

It's all right, just wait and see
Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent