"We promised each other it's til the end."

I'm starting to get anxiety about going home.  It's not because I hate you all... really, I miss home, I promise I do.  But, I start to fear things will be the way they were before they left.  I fear nothing will have changed.  It will be summer 2009 all over again.  And, let me tell you... I'm sure hell is a nicer place.

I will be going back to America September 20th.  That is less than 2 months away now (yikes).  I'm getting to the point where the amount of things I want to do are not fitting into my allotted travel time, and this is frustrating.  What happens once I get back?  Do I have to get a "grown up" job, spending 9 hours a day in a box, staring at a computer?  Because, honestly, that sounds awful.  Worse than awful... painful.  Really, I'm planning on going back to school and getting some sort of masters/mba.  Perhaps explore the hospitality degrees, since I do enjoy it a lot.  And, I plan on finding a way to never have to "work" a day in my life.. ie, never have to sit in a cubicle for 9 hours a day. 

While travelling I have met so many people like me, because back home I always felt like I was the weird one.  But, here, I'm just normal.  Well, whatever "normal" is considered... because, I'm pretty messed up.  Just read my blog, you can figure that one out.

One thing I love about travellers is they are keen to try almost anything.  Weird food?  Sure, why not!  Crazy, death-defying activity?  Yea, sign me up!  When I get home, that excitement is gone out of everyday life.  Everything back home is the same and familiar.  Here, even after being around for many months, things are still exciting.  The Aussies still speak funny.  The city is still breathtaking.  I still have to pinch myself to remind me I'm here.  I don't get that feeling back home.

I know I can't live this way forever.  I have to find a way to "setlle" myself some how, some day.  But, it's not necessarily true.  I will always be a wondering soul who gets uncomfortable in one spot too long.  I can't see that ever changing.  I just need to find a career that supports this... and radio/television bores me.  I would say I spent four years on a wasted degree, but had I not done this four years I would've never ended up where I am now.  Everything happens for a reason.

The thing is, I'm so happy in my life right now, I tend to get upset over the tiniest things... just cause I'm a girl and my body is trying to find things to be wrong.  But, really... I'm happy.  I can't stress those words enough.  But, I worry that my happiness is related to my state of place rather than related to my state of mind.

But, I am looking into things back home that will keep me sane.  I have grown to love hockey (watching and playing) over the last year, and have looked into some programs back home where I can keep improving my game (because it's pretty weak at the moment).  And, speaking of ice sports... it is my last week at the Icehouse.  I am going to miss (most) everyone that I worked with.  I really did make some friends there and had some great times.  I loved the times where the staff had the whole place to ourselves after all customers left at 1am and we would play stick and puck on the ice.  I also dealt with a lot of shit there, as it's ran pretty badly... but, the good times outweigh the bad in the end.  

Us skating... there is an American, a Canadian (I bet you can't guess which one...), a German, and two Aussies in this pic.  Seriously, my friends are like the UN.

"Hold on for just one more second,

Longer than you thought you could.

The things that seemed so hard

Are just one fleeting memory,

Filled with a smile that can't be changed."

Love,

Michaela