This balance has weighed out our heart's desire; I'm trying to make it alone.

Faces in Disguise by Sunny Day Real Estate

these fears come rushing in when i enter here
another layer on my back
a blazing fire where our glances meet
the largest feeling towering over me
faces in disguise
not a trace of desire...

i long to take you to a secret place
where we could lay aside our past
we'd throw the world away with all it's pain
to shine like stars through storm and clouds and rain
faces in disguise
not a trace of desire...

go face the day, go and see new things
go face the day, but you'll remember me...

i see a tear inside when you're turned away
another wound that i'd take back
if i could fill your heart just once
and then i'd take you now
where we could live again
faces in disguise

not a trace of desire...
faces in disguise
not a trace of desire...
go face the day, go and see new things
go face the day, but you'll remember me.

*****

This song is so relevant to how I feel, and have felt for sometime. I've also met quite a few people here who are experiencing the emotions so beautifully portrayed in this song.

When you meet a new person here one of the first questions they ask you is "Why did you decide to come to Australia?" Now, I've touched on this before, but what I haven't discussed is how common the answers are here. Everyone is running away/to something. A lot people are running to find excitement and joy in a life they found so dull back home. When you get people talking past their surface answers, you realize how many people in this world are hurting just like you and looking for that one thing to grab onto and make them happy. I'm not saying everyone is here under false pretenses and putting on a fake smile in hopes of magically being happy one day. What I mean is that we all are so similar, we just never realize it until tragedy brings us together.

I have met people from every continent (minus Antartica, for various reasons...) and I've had at least a couple people, from different countries, say they came here to heal a broken heart. Now, it's not the only reason they came here. They also came cause they hated their job, hated their living situation, and wanted an adventure. But, a big reason for country-hopping was because they were in love with someone and that love fell apart. And, really, everyone in this world makes decisions based on who they love and who they don't... even for a cynic on love like me, I can tell you, love really does make the world go round.

A lot of us are here to figure out whether what we have back home is worth it. I know I eventually have to go home (sadly, the Aussies won't keep me forever) and I think all the time how it's going to be when I arrive on American soil again. Will my friendships be the same? How about the relationship with my family? And, the one that hurts me as much as it gets me through the day: how will he and I be? It's too far off to dwell on now, but it's amazing how much I am like hundreds of other people all around the world. We are all hurting and loving in the same ways, just speaking a different language.

I'm so happy here and am thankful for every day I wake up and am able to look out and see the ocean and know that I am in paradise. Last night was the first night in my apartment and I got to wake up, at 6am, and eat my cereal while sitting in my living room looking at the ocean. I could've sat on our balcony, but even in summer, Sydney is cold at 6am. I smile more than I frown and I rarely get homesick. So, don't think I'm pouting. I just think all the time how much we try to hide whats really killing us inside because we think we're alone, when really the next person next to you could be going through the same thing.

Who knows where my future leads, but I do know that this experience is making me more able to approach them with a level head and an open heart.

Now, back to work...

Cheers!